How To Handle Stress At Work

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 Whether you like it or not, stress at work is inescapable. No matter how you tried to keep things under control, you will experience bombshells in the workplace.I'm not exempted from this wonted working scenario. Occasionally I was stressed out by the unforeseen incidents at work. Especially, if I missed out salient tasks. I know when stress is zapping me already because I experience some kind of mild chilling and I can feel my knees weakened. As soon as I feel those unusual feelings, I rebuke it and utter a silent prayer for God to calm me and keep me focus on the situation so I can figure out, by His grace what to do. Let me share with you, some tips I've learned for five years of working, in handling work-related stress.

Stress Factor #1-Angry Boss

Why is the boss angry? The common answer is---it's either you missed doing an important task or you have this recurrent job inefficiencies. Bosses are usually pissed of when an employee keep on repeating same mistakes even though they give clear instructions on what to do.

Solution:
Don't freak out when the boss is furious  because of your mistake. Be humble and polite in your conversation with him/her even if he/she is already shouting at the top of his/her lungs. "A gentle answer turns wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1. Consider this Bible verse as a reminder for you.

Stress Factor#2-Unfamiliar Tasks/Assignments

You might be given an assignment or a particular task that  you are not familiar with. What's annoying is the deadline associated with that task. You are like, "What the?! How will I do this?" Then you started to feel dismayed and pressured that you can't think of a way how to solve your problem and meet the deadline.

Solution:
One best way to start this "new challenge" for you is to ask questions. Ask your boss on how to do the task. I believe a good and concerned boss is willing to help you accomplish your task. He or she might give you some tips if necessary. Do not assume. Always ask if you are not sure on what to do, and how to do it. Have a talk with old employees who knew the company's system and procedures.
 
Stress Factor#3-Unmet Deadlines

Do you like deadlines? I don't. Because deadlines make me feel pressured to accomplish the task. So when I'm pressured, I'm also stressed. But you know that deadlines are good motivators? If you only see the positive side of it, you will realize that a deadline serves as a motivation for you to accomplish the given task without any delay. Since you are looking on that particular date to finish the project or particular task given to you, you are now aware that every second of your working time is important. And that there's not time for your "para mag petiks." Because of deadline you will feel some sense of urgency, but still should not be pressured if you know the procedure on how to do it.

Solution:
To avoid inconvenience, aim to finish the given task or assignment before the deadline date. This way you won't be stressed out when the deadline date comes because you are prompt in doing your task. The boss will actually get angry at you if she/he gives you deadlines but you are not able to accomplish on the said date because it's either you are procrastinating things at work. Know what to prioritize in your job. Be prompt in accomplishing the task given to you by your boss.

Those are few to mention among the many factors of stress causing situations in the workplace. I hope these tips help you in handling stress at work. Make this your inspiration: Colossians 3:23, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." When you have this mindset, working for you no matter how challenging the task is, won't be that burdensome. You will experience a hassle-free, stress-free working life when you consider God as your Big Boss rather than men.

Say Goodbye To Your Past

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“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."-Isaiah 43:18-18



Your past played a significant role in who you are today.There are times that even when the past events of your life were gone a long time ago, it still affects you at present and the effect may be extended in your future. But God is speaking to you, not to dwell on the past because whatever happens to you in the past, no matter how broken you were, it doesn't matter anymore. Because God is making something new and beautiful in your life now. If your past consist basically of bad memories, each time you look back you get hurt. You cry, your heart is filled with sadness, bitterness and regrets. And our loving Father in heaven, doesn't want you to dwell on negative feelings and thoughts that when get worst, may affect your health and your sanity. God wants you to anticipate the future with positivity. But how can you be positive of your future when you don't have faith in God? And how can you have faith in God when you don't know Him. Don't worry, I will tell you the basics. 

Being born to a Christian family is not a life of bed of roses.It is a life of thorns and bushes actually. I experience hardships and struggles that are no joke to everyone. When I was a kid, I ask God more often than not why we we're poor (with the thoughts of: we believe in Him. My parents are  both pastors who were in the church pioneering ministry. My family is serving the Lord, but why we are lacking this or that?) Why I don't have even some of the nice things, my classmates have. Why I need to walk several kilometers just to go to school  everyday (without "baon" pa yan) while others can afford their own means of transportation. I ask God why my bed for 17 years is made of wood with no foam (matigas, pag pagod ka hindi nakaka relieve ang humiga sa papag) while others have different types of bed like waterbed, airbed, etc.etc. Basically, I ask God for material possessions other people have that we don't have. But when it comes to my family, our relationship to one another, that I am always thankful to the Lord. I grew up with my parents, who taught me about God and his Word. When I learn how to read the Bible, my knowledge of who God is grow,as time goes by. The more I read the Bible, the more I become positive of the future because God through his word reveal his plans for me. And the more I talk to God through prayers (some of it were silly requests,hehe), the more I become attached to Him.Reading God's Word daily, will enable you to have the right perception of who God is. You will know that even though God is Holy and seemed like a "strict father" He is also loving, compassionate and forgiving. So there it is, if you want to know God so you can fully trust him of your future, start it with a prayer and reading the Bible. Not only you will know what pleases and displeases God but you will also know his plans for you. His purpose in your life, even before you were born.

My past is both bitter and sweet in taste. Sweet because I experienced the grace and goodness of the Lord. Through the years, He never abandon me, no matter how many times I disobeyed him. His provisions are so obvious that I was able to graduate from college with honors with just this P20 daily allowance and 1 set of uniform. Anyway, during my college years, each time I walk few kilometers ahead before I ride a jeepney or bus (para kumasya lang yung pamasahe ko), I'm telling myself, "matatapos da ining kahug-anan nga ginadanas ko.makaka-graduate da ako kag makakapagtrabaho." That's in our native dialect in Sibuyan Island, Romblon. It means, this hardship will come to an end one day. I will finish college and get a job. By God's grace, it happened in 2009 when I finish my degree in Journalism, Cum Laude. Praise God for that! Who would have thought na yung walang budget sa pag aaral sa kolehiyo na tulad ko, makakapagtapos ng pag aaral. It's all because of God's grace. So ngayon, iba na iniisip ko when I commute for work. "Nangyari rin yung pinaniniwalaan ko noon, yung sinasabi ko sa sarili ko tuwing naglalakad ako pauwi."

One of the bitter ingredients of my past, are the wrong choices I've made in getting myself involved into romantic relationships. I don't know why, but it seems that I had some crazy inclination with a  "bad boy" type of guy before. Yung parang Robin Padilla lang ang peg. Hahaha! I had a boyfriend before that look like Wiz Khalifa. The idea of having a thug love story is what triggered my excitement and curiosity. Church girl vs. Gangsta, ya know. But when I've found out that having a ghetto boyfriend is a misery, plus he has this not so good old habits, I got turned off and eventually broke up with him. I was so ashamed of myself. How did I get myself that low? What happened to my standards? Thank God, by His grace, I didn't go all the way with him. Then I got involve with a musician as well, who made my world upside down but made me realize that romance pursued not on a right time and place and with the wrong person could end up a disaster. Thank God, by His grace, He really didn't allow me to give up myself for these guys I'm head over heels with. The "moving on" process is both painful and traumatic. There are times that I kind of feeling scared to have a boyfriend again. I feel like I can't a trust a man anymore. Like whatever he will tell me, my brain would protest, "that's a lie!" But of course, I'm human and I'm capable of loving, so I know I can't say no to love the second time around but I'm cautious na. And I decide to wait for God's best. God will tell me if he is the one.

When I read Isaiah 43: 18-19, my God telling me to forget the past. Leave all the pains and not so good memories behind because He is making something new in my life. I obey, kahit masakit. That's the best decision I could ever made, obeying my Father in heaven for He knows what's best for me. In New Living Translation it says, "But forget all that--it is nothing compared to what I am going to do." 

I am anticipating that God must have really something beautiful in store for me that even my past is nothing compared to what He is going to do in my life. That's exciting,isn't it? God won't tell me to drop what I'm holding on or clinging to if He doesn't have a much better thing to give me in return. Last Sunday's message in our church is entitled Surrender your Isaac. It's about surrendering something or someone to God that might take God's place in your life. I learned that when you surrender to the Lord, surrender with faith and anticipation, just like Abraham. 

My friend, no matter how bad your past was it doesn't matter anymore. Because God's love for your is greater than all the pains and mistakes you have in your life. All you have to do is surrender yourself to Jesus. Let him be the Lord and Savior of your life. I guarantee you, when you commit your life to Christ, you will never be sorry.

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Sheol's Call

Death comes to everyone. It has no favoritism between the poor and the rich, the unheard of and the famous, the strong and weak. Lately, I have two friends from my Dgroup team whose parents  passed away unexpectedly. Me and my dgroup girls were dejected by their losses. Death is also associated with Hades and Sheol. Hades is famous as an ancient Greek god of  the underworld in the Greek mythology. In the Bible, Hades is a Greek word used to denote a place or starte of departed spirits (wikipedia.com) while Sheol is a place of darkness to which all the dead go, both the righteous and the unrighteous, regardless of the moral choices made in life, a place of stillness and darkness cut of from God (wikipedia.com). Most of us fear death especially when we're not ready or we don't know where to go when we die. The Bible, which is a book about life and death and God gives us a glimpse of what happens when a person dies.In John 3:16, Jesus said, " For God so loved the world (you and me) that He gave his only begotten Son (Jesus) and those whoever believed in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." Will not perish does not mean, a believer of Christ won't die physically. He/she will die but his/her soul/spirit will live with the Lord.  For Christians, Christ's second coming is a much awaited event. They wait. And as they wait, they grow old and die. Psalms 103:15, NLT version remind us that "our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die.
  
 Our earthly body experience some frailties. We get sick, we feel weak, we deteriorate. And when we die, our bodies will return to the dust and our souls will be carried immediately either in presence of Christ (for those who accepted and believe Christ as their Lord and Savior) or it will enter into a place called Hades (for those who die with unbelief and nonacceptance of Chris). So it is important, to know where we end up when we die. When you are pretty sure of the venue of your final destination, you will no longer fear dying. Let me share with you tips on how to be prepare for death.

Preparations before you die:


1.  Be sure you have accepted and believe Christ as your Lord and Savior so when you die you will be with him. Jesus said to her, " I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

2. If you want to live a little longer, take care of your body. Have a healthy lifestyle. This body is not ours. Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?You do not belong to yourself,for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:19).We honor God if we take care of our bodies and not submit ourselves willingly to sinning and immorality.

3. Share the gospel to your love ones,friends and relatives. Share who Jesus is and what he has done on the cross. Your love ones need to hear about Christ because faith comes from hearing, that is, hearing the Good News about Christ. (Romans 10:17 NLT).

4. Save money for your funeral expenses.  If you don't want to become a burden to your family when you die, set aside  budget for your funeral. Save money. Get memorial plans if necessary. So when you die your family won't panic where to bury you, what coffin to purchase etc etc.

5.Enjoy life at the moment.Take delight in the goodness of the Lord. And while you are enjoying and having the time of your life on earth, remember God. "Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don't wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.(Ecclesiastes 12:6-7).


God has a purpose to each and every one of us. That purpose or plan  is one reason why we are still alive at this very moment. Let's not waste our lives, our time living aimlessly, selfishly. Live your life for the Lord, delight in his presence. Love God, love others. Thank him everyday and submit to His will so you won't get lost on the wrong track. As you live, remember that one day you will die so be wise enough to prepare for your death.

The Tale of Mischance

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   Since I've learned that my Aunt Perry from Florida is coming to the Philippines for a vacation this year, I couldn't stop getting excited that I literally counting the days for her arrival. I haven't seen her for more or less than eight years. And what triggers my enthusiasm the most is the news that we will be having a family reunion and that she is sponsoring my airfare. Going back to Cagwait, Surigao del Sur (my mother's hometown) once again was actually one of my plans years ago that didn't happen for a lot of reasons. This was also an item to my "prayer list notebook" since last year. And I was pretty sure, that May 16-21, 2014 is the appointed time for the fulfillment of this long time plan. I can't wait to see my relatives which I haven't seen for more than a decade. My Lola Auling, cousins, nieces&nephews,aunts&uncles knew I'm coming. They keep on calling me, checking me for my ETD and ETA. I can tell from the sound of their voices over the phone that they are all excited to see me. Two weeks before my flight, I already packed my traveling bag with things to bring. I was super ready then...and thrilled at the idea that with this trip, I will be a solo backpacker for the first time. Flying from Manila to Cebu, then Cebu to Surigao City. From Surigao City, Surigao del Norte, I will be riding a bus bound for Tandag City, Surigao del Sur for more or less than three hours. From Tandag, I need to ride a bus or jeepney that will take me to Cagwait and from Cagwait I will ride a tricycle to get to my Lola's house. I can only imagine how would i feel commuting for long hours alone. Being a stranger to a place I'm not familiar both scares and excites me. There are many "what ifs" running through my head. But I'm confident that I can make it home safely. Besides, I have faith God's divine protection is upon me. I was on fire, when suddenly an icy cold circumstance change everything.

  This icy cold circumstance I'm talking about is when I missed my flight for Manila-Cebu via Airasia on May 16, 2014. My departure time is 6:45pm but I got there at Terminal 4 in NAIA around 6:10pm. I was stuck on traffic for two hours in Edsa! So when I got there, the ticket check-in girl told me they already close the boarding gate around 6:00 o'clock. She said I was super late. I know I should check in at least two hours before my flight schedule but i read something in the plane ticket that says 2 hours to 45 minute the passenger should be there in the airport. So i thought I could still make it. Or maybe I was just hallucinating that I  thought I read it that but actually there is no such thing like that and the truth is I was just late. That's all! Late and I can't afford to book another flight because with Airasia rebooking and rerouting is not allowed. Lutang ako that time when the Airasia girl told me my ticket is forfeited. I was like, "what the hell?!" My thoughts are screaming, "you blew it! you're not going to Surigao anymore. The entire trip was cancelled and you just wasted the money!" I check the web for other airlines for airfare prices but they are all too costly. Hindi makatarungang bumili ng ganun kamahal na ticket. Imagine the next flight for Cebu that night costs around P8,000 one way, while my rountrip ticket only cost P5,000+.With a broken heart and scattered mind,I  left the airport and decided to go home.On my way home, I  walk along Edsa, don't know where to go. I just want to walk, I just want to make libang of myself eventhough my feet hurts from walking and my arms were in pain from the heavy bag I'm carrying. I was surprise I didn't cry. I just let my  mind wander.

 I just can't believe that the entire trip was cancelled. I also didn't think that I can opt for a ship transport since I can't bear the 3-day travel by bus from Manila to Tandag. If only I knew through the internet that Superferry is departing by 2am on May 17 I could have gone to the pier and board that ship. So many questions I ask myself: why I was late? why I didn't feel the sense of urgency that day knowing I have a flight. Why can't I go to Surigao smoothly? But then God spoke to my heart. He comforted me. He confirmed it to me many times through various circumstance why I can't go to Surigao yet. I was just insistent. Who knows what could happen to me as I travel alone?  My cousin told me that the road from Surigao City to Tandag is quiet rough and bit dangerous. He said I should have chosen Butuan to Tandag route since main road is smooth and safe. I'm so persistent with this trip while the circumstances, my Dad, my siblings keep me from going. Anyway, no matter what reasons I  tell myself, no matter how much I blame myself it don't matter anymore. The trip was over. And perhaps the trip wasn't really meant for me or maybe I just missed the chance. Now, I don't know when can I visit my Mom's hometown again and see my relatives. But I am hoping that the next Surigao trip I have, God be willing, I'm with my whole family na. It will take me a year of saving for the vacation budget. Pero ok lang, what's important is I'm with my family and we'll go together to visit our grandma and other relatives.

Underground River, Puerto Prinsesa

Underground River in Puerto Prinsesa is now included in the world's New Seven Wonders of Nature. By van, it's a two-hour drive from the city. You can contact Yzabelle Mansion for the tour package. Underground River tour package includes buffet lunch in Sabang.

Underground River

where the river meets the sea

with dgroup ladies

El Nido, Palawan

El Nido is one of my dream place. The moment I saw the extraordinary rock formations of various islands, it became one of my prayer items.. Thank God, it was an answered prayer on April 2014. Together with my Dgroup in the church, we did the island hopping that gives us hundreds of photos to post on Facebook (hahaha!) and a lifetime of memories to cherish.

@ The Big Lagoon

 

@ Las Cabansas Beach

Mineloc Island

some rock formation in one of the islands of El Nido

with my Dgroup ladies

To get to El Nido, you need to board a plane from Manila to Puerto Prinsesa. Choose Air Asia because it arrives earlier than the expected time arrival. From Puerto Prinsesa ride a van bound for El Nido. Van transportation cost P700 pesos (P1,400 back and forth). Travel time is from 4-5 hours. You can opt to ride a bus for a cheaper fare but it will take you more than 5 hours to get to El Nido. For an affordable board and lodging, choose Rovic's Pension House. It is situated at the beach front area. The sound of waves and the sea breeze will wake you up in the morning and you can't help but exclaimed, "Ahhh, this is paradise!" For an affordable island hopping plus other activities tour, contact Hadefe Travel and Tours or Ysabelle Mansion. Their tour packages range from P1,300 (A & B)-P1,400 (C & D). Island Tour C and D are bit further like 45 to 1 hour boat ride while Island Tour A and B are the usual tour packages most of the tourists and bakasyunistas choose since it's only 15-30 minutes boat ride. This tour packages include free buffet lunch in one of the island during the tour. It also include snorkelling and picture taking of course. Haha!

For a cheaper meals, I.B.R restaurant. It's near the beach area (few walks from Rovic's Pension House). Their ulam servings are good for two person. So it's a big tipid talaga. For souvenirs, you can go to Art Cafe.

TIPS FOR ASPIRING E.As

THE LIFE OF AN EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

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I am so eager to share what I learned from being an Executive Assistant or EA that I won't let the sun set today without writing this blog :) Being an EA is not an easy job. You need to have flexibility, focus, and efficiency in your task. Reporting, coordinating schedules of meetings, trips, media appearances and filing/keeping records of personal files of the bosses are the basic tasks an EA does. In my case, I work with four bosses in the office. They are the Chief Operations Officer, Executive Chef, HR Directress and Chief Finance Officer. Most of the time, I work with the COO and the Executive Chef.

With the COO, this is what I usually do: coordinate her meeting/event schedules, on-time deposit of her checks, process of request of payment for her reimbursement,keeping records of her personal documents and submitting recommendations for event/marketing tie-ups with the company. With the Executive Chef, he allowed me to schedule his meetings and activities like magazine photoshoot, tv guestings, speaking engagements, cooking demos. I also gather requirements for his Visa applicatons whenever he travels abroad and do some minor banking transactions in behalf of him. With the CFO, I usually called her secretary every morning to check her schedule for the day and inform our office personnel about it. I also monitor the errands' logbook and daily trip summary form of our messenger. I am responsible to track the status of the errands and the whereabouts of our messenger during working hours. I also need to update the log book about the status of errands  The Finance Manager is the one who frequently asks me every now and then regarding the status of errands and where the messenger is, so I stay alert on that. With the HR Directress, I check the documents for her signature and make sure she signed it. I also put her interview and meeting schedules on MS Outlook Calendar with notification two hours before the scheduled time of the meeting or interview.

My other tasks for the company itself is to gather 86 items from eight restaurants and email it to the purchasing department, the research and development department and the COO. I also inform all Restaurant Manager and Kitchen Managers the monthly schedule for the Mancomm Meeting,incoming store activities, new memos and other communications. I have daily, every other day, weekly and monthly tasks as an E.A. Getting used to these job descriptions for more than half a year is what drives me to share some useful tips for aspiring EAs.


Here are the tips that can be useful to you if you want to work as an Executive Assistant:

1. Be sure of the exact schedule of meetings, travels, events of the bosses. Inform them a day up to two hours before their scheduled activities. MS Outlook Calendar is a useful tool in organizing meetings since it automatically sends notifications to parties involved. You just need to adjust the reminder portion for two hours or 30 minutes alarm.

photo from www.masonhorvath.com

2. Know the importance of urgency and efficiency at work. There are times that the bosses will give you an urgent tasks that sometimes you are not too familiar on how to do it. It may freak you out or stress you a bit but you need to do it because whatever tasks given to you by the Executives is your job. That is why you are called Executive Assistant per se. No matter how urgent the task given to you, be sure efficiency is your end goal. The bosses will check the outcome of your work. Because if the E.A is inefficient the bosses are somehow affected especially if the task given to you is related to what they do.

3. Avoid pissing off the bosses. If you want to have a peaceful working environment and  a serene heart while doing your job, avoid situations that will pissed off your bosses. It will only happen if you have consistent poor work performance and series of inefficiency in your task. And if you missed to do the important things that will have negative affect the entire company.

4.Do the task as instructed by the bosses. The bosses will usually give you instructions to most of your tasks especially if it's bit personal. So do it as told. Don't assume that your way is better than their ways.

5. Ask, don't assume. If you are not sure on how to do the task given, feel free to ask your boss or the people around you that is familiar with the system or procedure. Never assume, because your assumption might be wrong.

6. Be organize and detailed. It's necessary to be organized when it comes to filing documents, monitoring of transactions, keeping records of whatever file/things given/entrusted to you by your boss. Make a list or a log book of the things entrusted to you. So when the boss suddenly ask you this or that, you have a guide where to look for it. I created a folder few months ago called For Monitoring which includes excel files for RFP (request for payment) monitoring, Check Deposit monitoring, Received Documents monitoring, Managers Schedule Monitoring,Check Release monitoring for me to easily locate the files or monitor transactions done.

7.Don't wait for the deadlines. Do your task the moment it was given to you. Procrastination is a not so good habit. It may cause you trouble in the end.

8. Be friendly and energetic. As E.A you might have the role of a telephone operator. You need to kinda screen the calls first before you forward it to the concerned person. Your bosses will like to see an energetic you that shows you really like what you're doing. Being friendly is a plus as well.

9. Be in the "middle of everything." This is what my boss told me. Being in the middle of everything doesn't require you to be nosy. But you just need to know things in the office. You need to be updated on what's happening in the workplace. So when someone ask you, you have an answer. Be sure you know the bosses schedule, how to operate various office machines, do some minor computer trouble shooting.

10. Honor God through your work. Work is a blessing from God. Honoring God in the workplace is loving the job you have and doing it with passion, to the best of your ability as if doing it for the Lord.

These are only few on the many things you will learn once you are on the job of being an executive assistant. I hope these tips will be helpful to you. Thanks for reading :)

THE OTHER SIDE OF COURTSHIP

THE OTHER SIDE OF COURTSHIP


Courtship is courting or wooing as defined by Oxford Dictionary of Current English. It means to seek the hand or love of the person. Another meaning is to try to win fame or fortune etc. and to seek favor or support. In Filipino culture and term, courtship is called "panliligaw." When a guy likes a girl and he wants to have relationship with his love interest, he will court her. On the surface, courtship is cool. Most girls love to be pursued through many ways of courtship. Us girls wants to test the man's endurance and persistence in winning our hearts so there are times that we made the courtship process  a little bit harder for them. Syempre kung mas matiyaga si guy, mas pursigido,mas ma-effort,the girl is assured that she is really something to the guy. At mahal talaga siya nito. But the question is: how genuine is the guy's motive in courting a girl? What's the status of his heart? Is it love that drives him to court the girl or he just want something precious from her that he is willing to work his ass off so he can win the prize? Let's find out :)

There is this guy who courted my cousin and really made an effort to the point of changing his lifestyle just to win my cousin's heart. My cousin is a Christian,a  pastor's daughter so she is basically a church girl. This guy is unbeliever but he started to attend church services, get involved in the ministry, quit smoking and drinking, while pursuing my cousin. After some time, my cousin believed he is really a changed man, a real Christian because that's what he is showing in his new lifestyle. So she accepted him as her boyfriend. They were in a relationship for a year or two until my cousin went abroad to work. Geography create changes little by little on their relationship. My cousin heard rumors that her boyfriend is going back to his old life style: not going to church, frequent drinking and smoking and involving in fling affairs. At first, my cousin did not believe the news people are telling her. She thought it's merely paninira lang. She is confident her boyfriend loves her much and respect her. Sobrang nag effort daw ito nung nililigawan pa lang sya. There is this saying kasi na kapag pinaghirapan ng isang lalaki yung isang babae, hindi nya ito pakakawalan ng basta basta. Pahahalagahan nya ito. To cut the story short, my cousin found solid evidences that prove his man's not so good escapades. With a heavy heart, she broke up with him. After couple of months of the breakup, news bombarded my cousin that her ex boyfriend has new girlfriend already. And that he is super back to his old habit of smoking, drinking, going out for a gimik with his barkadas. My cousin was sad and disappointed because she thought he changed for good. That even they are not together, the guy would remain living in his new lifestyle. A real Christian lifestyle. But she was wrong. She was a victim of the not so good side of courtship in which the guy wore a mask and conform to what the girl wants so he can win her heart.

In my case, i didn't let guys who said they like me or interested at me proceed to courtship when on the first conversation they gave wrong answers to my usual questions. Girls, you will have an idea of what kind of man, wants to pursue you when you have conversation with him. If you are curious to know the guy, ask him questions. Check out his answers if it sounds real and reliable or stupid and full of lies. You can easily figure out if the guy is mayabang or nagsisinungaling on the way he talk. The way his eyes or brows twitch. The way his shoulders and hands move. Believe me, I've seen that to the guys I met. So from their answers I can already make a slight conclusion what they are, what they want. So i inform them to stop fooling me as soon as i gather my reasons. This attitude of mine got me a label of being choosy. People say, "choosy ka siguro kaya wala kang boyfriend." Eh ano gusto nilang gawin ko, patulan ng ganun-ganun na lang yung nanliligaw? Hehe. I read a line from a book that says, "it's better to remain single than to be with the wrong partner."

When you are in love, you are blinded to see the negative side of your love interest. Why would you look at it anyway, when he has lots of positive traits that make your heart beats faster. It feels so good to be wooed by the guy you like. But don't be too comfortable that what he is showing you is real. Minsan, kaplastikan nalang talaga yung panliligaw. Nowadays, courtship are becoming mere pretentions to both sexes. Hindi lang naman yung lalaki yung nagsusuot ng maskara during courtship. Yung babae din. Syempre, paano gaganahan si guy ligawan ka girl kung nagmamaldita ka? Of course, you will be nice to him. Minsan you act in a different personality so the guy can realize you are worth the hard work. But true colors will come out in marriage. After few years of being married dun lumalabas totoong ugali. Sometimes after few years of giving the guy your sweet "yes" surprising attitudes are coming out. It makes you blunt,"hindi ka naman ganyan dati!" Of course yes, he is  not like that before, because that's who he really  is actually. You just didn't see it during courtship. Because courtship nowadaws is hiding the real you and showing the appealing, desirable you. But girls, you may ask," how can i know the real him?" You will not actually get know the real him 100% but you will get an idea what kind of man he is. You need to make wise decisions before you commit yourself to the guy. Check out this insights I learn from experience, observation, reading and other people's stories:

Before you said YES:

1. Pray first that God will lead you to His will when it comes to having a boyfriend or husband. 
Let God write your love story. I know it's not easy to wait, but when it comes to this aspect of life, waiting for God's Best is necessary.

2.Pursue friendship with the guy first. By being friends with him, you will get to know his ideals, convictions,faith. You will know how he reacts/responds over things and situations. I have few good male friends that I'm kinda amuse knowing them spontaneously. When you are friends with someone, and you really want a genuine friendship, you need mask no more. You don't need to act in your alter ego or your multiple personality. You are being real because you want your friend to accept who you are. Real friends accept and love you for who you are. God loves you more just the way you are. No matter what you have done in the past. His love for you, covers all your wrongs. Micheal is  one of my few Christian guy friends. Since college we were good friends. So over the years, I come to know him. Mike is a generous giver in church, family and friends. His heart is always tuned in to God. Whenever he see not so good attitude in me, he  rebuke it. He will tell me frankly why it's bad and what's the right thing to do. His advices are biblically based so I believe he is right. I had some misunderstandings with Mike too, but we always say sorry to one another. Another good friend of mine is Matthew. He lives in the US but distance is not a block to our way in maintaining good friendship. Matt is my other adviser. His advices draw me closer to God. Strengthening my faith. We exchange prayer requests. I learn a lot about guys and relationship because Matt,as a guy shared his insight on those topics. What inspires me about Matt's life is his heart for Jesus. His faith and obedience to God and his passion for music.

3.Be real to yourself and to the guy. Check your heart first. Do you really like this guy? Do you see yourself with him for good? Girls, when you want to have a relationship with the opposite sex, be sure marriage is your goal. Unless you are not ready for marriage, better not to have a boyfriend...na for experience lang. People who consider having a boyfriend or  girlfriend for experience end up in
failure. That kind of relationship is short-term. And you will eventually have a broken heart.

4.Be frank but in a nice way. Kung hindi mo type si guy and you really think you will not fall for him even though he will take you to a galaxy trip or promise you a tour around the world in 80 days, tell him the truth. Wag na paasa teh para di ka makasakit ng kapwa. It's bit dangerous when you give false hopes to the guy then busted din pala in the end. The guy might store bitterness and hatred againts you in his heart that will drive him to do unlikely things againts you. Like the news we heard na yung girl kinidnap,ni-rape or pinatay ng manliligaw or ka-relasyon. Sige ka.

5.Learn how to love for real first. Love God above all so you will know how to love others as well. Love yourself too, for when you know how to love yourself, you know how to love a man. You cannot give love if you don't have love in you.

I only give five practical insights before you commit yourself in a relationship. I will talk more on topics like this on my next article. But as for now yan lang muna. If you have questions and suggestions feel free to contact me.

Be cautious girls. Don't be fooled with a sheep-like attitude the guy is showing you. Sa panahon ngayon tanghali nalang ang tapat, as the funny familiar statement says. Check out the guy's motive first. Ask questions. Do a little research on the guy's background. Kung may budget ka, hire an investigator. Pa imbestigahan mo secretly. Malay mo pamilyado na pala yung lalaking yan. Or the worst, hiding criminal pala. Damay ka sa mga issues na kinasasangkutan nya the moment you sealed a relationship with him. Pray for God's guidance for you to make wise decisions. Pray for discernment for you to know the real motive why the guy is pursuing you.

WHEN YOU HURT A GOOD MAN

WHEN YOU HURT A GOOD MAN

At first, I'm hesitant whether to write this article or not. But since this is a real-life story, I decided to share the lessons I learned. Before, I'm not that convince that experience is the best teacher but after having a lot of twists and turns in life, I raise my two hands as affirmation, that experience indeed is the best teacher but not a wiser way for you to learn. In experience, you feel it,got involved in it and it may have some impact in your life one way or another. But also you are not excuse from  the consequences of your actions. Our experiences are made up of decisions and actions. Sometimes, by unexpected situations. But most of the time, we have consent for every experiences we had.

Us girls often dream of meeting a guy who will sweep us off our feet. We crave for the type of guy who is gwapo, macho, matangkad,mabait,masaya kasama,mayaman. Most girls especially the teens are fond of reading pocketbooks. I was an avid reader of pocketbooks way back in high school. I can read 3-4 pocket novels a day, in English or Tagalog. I love reading and I'm naturally a curious creature so I usually read or find out whatever captures my curiosity. Don't you know that the male characters (especially yung bida or the leading man) from the  pocketbooks influenced a lot of our ideals when it comes to choosing our "knight in shinning armor?" Those characters inspired us that much that we develop a thinking that it could happen in real life. Actually, pwede naman talaga mangyari yun. But once in a blue moon. It can happen to other girls but not to you.

So I learn a lot about love life from reading pocketbooks. Haha! But it's superficial learning since it's more on theory than reality. Haha! I got both good and bad tips from that. And i applied those good and bad tips in my life so i also reap good and bad results. One of the bad tip is hurting a good man. Did i hurt him intentionally? Of course not! Then how did I? Let me tell you, my story.

I once met a man who became a good friend of mine. Itago natin sya sa pangalang Pewee.(:p). Pewee is a nice guy from inside out. People who knew Pewee say nothing negative about him. A common friend introduce him to me, she want me to get to know him and who knows he can be a potential boyfriend for me. Pewee contacted me first and because he is naturally friendly, I became comfortable with him and consider him as life-long friend. We exchange prayer requests, update each other with what's going on with our personal lives. After sometime, Pewee started to express his interest at me, interests that's a little bit more than that of a friendship. He asks me if i could let him love me. He won't ask anything in return basta hayaan ko lang daw sya ipakita sakin yung nararamdaman nya. I feel awkward at first. But later on i let him be. Since we are geographically far from each other and we only met once, i forgot what he said and continue to become friends with him. Then we meet again, since he is my friend, i talk to him the way i talk to my long time friends. We talked about various things. I laugh out loud with him. Comfortable lang ang peg. Then came the love life topic. I absent-mindedly told him that ever since  I was a kid, I dreamed of  marrying  a foreigner with blue/green eyes, 6 feet tall, well toned body (i think, i'm dreaming of Henry Cavill here hehe). Because I really want to have a husband like that who will give me beautiful babies. (So selfish of me here huh,sorry). He just nod and smile while I talk. Then i forgot again that i told him such things during our second meeting.

I notice few weeks after that meeting, Pewee doesn't communicate to me that much. Unlike before,which i got text messages from him daily. So i asked him, why he seemed to be distant and silent. He didn't respond so I called him a week later. There he told me the reason behind the silence and aloofness. I was bit surprised when he said, "Na-realize ko na hindi na talaga ako magiging part ng life mo. So i have to let you go. Kailangan ko na mag move on." He explained that he needed to detached himself from me because everytime he communicates with me, he is hurting. Filled with emotions daw kasi yung pagtetext nya sakin. But i don't feel anything special from his text messages. My friends do the same way in texting me. Anyway, to cut the story short, I realized I hurt him and drove him away the moment i tactlessly blurted out my dream guy. I didn't expect it would have an impact on him. I wasn't aware (because nawala nga sa isip ko) that he has special feelings for me. I could have been sensitive on what he feels pero di ako naging maingat sa pagsasalita. I didn't believe that he was serious about his wanting to express what he feels for me. I thought nagjo-joke lang siya. Because i had other experiences with guys saying they will court me tapos wala naman pala.

I lost a friend when I didn't think of the words carefully before it came out of my mouth. I hurt a good man and i feel sorry about that. I said sorry to him and he said it's okay, naiintindihan nya daw ako. Now our friendship has changed. And I'm not sure if we can go back to what we used to be. But i also accepted the possibility that our friendship is really over na. And so i moved on as well just as he moved on from me.

 Here are the things I learn that I wish I've known before I hurt a good man:

1.Be aware of the man's feelings. When he shows romantic interest at you even if you don't like him, be considerate of his feelings.
2.Be polite. If you really can't learn to like or love him no matter what, tell him the nice way. The kind of way he won't feel insecure or inferior.
3.Keep your dream guy traits to yourself. You don't need to tell him that you are head over heels with guys like Brad Pitt and Piolo Pascual.
4.Don't give false hopes. Wag kang paasa teh. Kung di mo type, tell him right away para di na sya gumawa pa ng efforts na alam mong masasayang lang kasi nga di mo type.
5.Pray and wait. If you want a real love story that is written by God. Pray and wait. Pray for God's will. Wait for God to act on your behalf. Trust Jesus for he cares for you.

From that experience I learn these insights. But you see it's not a wise act. Because  I hurt someone(even though it's unintentional) in exchange for my learning. As what my father often remind us his children, "learning by experience is a lousy technique." True. Because we can learn  from observation and from other people's stories especially when we have a teachable heart.

Shut your mouth, control yourself

Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

-James 3:2

Picture from http://conversationsadmin.wordpress.com/author/thecaffeinatedmystic/

Whether we admit it or not, we often sin and hurt other people by the words we utter out of overwhelming negative emotions we felt. But if we can only learn how to shut our mouths, then we can also learn to control ourselves. Our tongues can either make us or break us. Proverbs 21:23 says "watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble." True isn't it? We often get ourselves in trouble when we say something offensive to another person and that person got angry. Sometimes that trouble started by our tactless talking ends up a crime. The tongue is described as a flame of fire in the Bible. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. (James 3:6). Of course we speak by what we feel, so if our hearts are full of negative feelings, we speak negatively as well. But if our hearts are positive, our mouths utter good things. It's ironic because we can tame all  kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, fish but no one can tame the tongue! (James 3:7).

          It is always a daily battle for me on how to control myself and the words I speak. Before, taming my tongue on my own usually ends up in failure. Why? Because I lack something very important, that is the Holy Spirit's guidance in my life. I always pray that God will help me to have self control and discipline especially in talking. Because when I'm angry i talked nonsense, offensive words that cause me to sin against God and the people around. I started to get frustrated because I haven't changed. But then God told me through the Bible what to do. I need to submit myself to God, resist the devil (who causes you to curse with your mouth and speak bad words) and he will flee from me.(James 4:7).  I prayed to God asking for the Holy Spirit to guide me and teach me how to control myself, then I read the Bible daily so i will know God more, get closer with Him and find out what promises He has for me. These simple steps  taught me  self control that even when i feel bad about the situation or the other person, I'm able to say words, the  nice way. I remember that a gentle answer deflects anger  but harsh words make tempers flare. (Proverbs 15:1).

          The key to self control and the taming of tongue is submission to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Praying without ceasing and being Spirit-filled will make you victorious over bad attitude. How to become Spirit-filled? By devoting yourself to prayer and meditation of God's Word. The more you talk and listen to God, the more you get to know Him. The more you know Him, the more you will trust Him. And the more you trust Him, the more you become victorious over things in life may it be personal struggles, bad attitude, temptations, problems and many more.