At first, I'm hesitant whether to write this article or not. But since this is a real-life story, I decided to share the lessons I learned. Before, I'm not that convince that experience is the best teacher but after having a lot of twists and turns in life, I raise my two hands as affirmation, that experience indeed is the best teacher but not a wiser way for you to learn. In experience, you feel it,got involved in it and it may have some impact in your life one way or another. But also you are not excuse from the consequences of your actions. Our experiences are made up of decisions and actions. Sometimes, by unexpected situations. But most of the time, we have consent for every experiences we had.
Us girls often dream of meeting a guy who will sweep us off our feet. We crave for the type of guy who is gwapo, macho, matangkad,mabait,masaya kasama,mayaman. Most girls especially the teens are fond of reading pocketbooks. I was an avid reader of pocketbooks way back in high school. I can read 3-4 pocket novels a day, in English or Tagalog. I love reading and I'm naturally a curious creature so I usually read or find out whatever captures my curiosity. Don't you know that the male characters (especially yung bida or the leading man) from the pocketbooks influenced a lot of our ideals when it comes to choosing our "knight in shinning armor?" Those characters inspired us that much that we develop a thinking that it could happen in real life. Actually, pwede naman talaga mangyari yun. But once in a blue moon. It can happen to other girls but not to you.
So I learn a lot about love life from reading pocketbooks. Haha! But it's superficial learning since it's more on theory than reality. Haha! I got both good and bad tips from that. And i applied those good and bad tips in my life so i also reap good and bad results. One of the bad tip is hurting a good man. Did i hurt him intentionally? Of course not! Then how did I? Let me tell you, my story.
I once met a man who became a good friend of mine. Itago natin sya sa pangalang Pewee.(:p). Pewee is a nice guy from inside out. People who knew Pewee say nothing negative about him. A common friend introduce him to me, she want me to get to know him and who knows he can be a potential boyfriend for me. Pewee contacted me first and because he is naturally friendly, I became comfortable with him and consider him as life-long friend. We exchange prayer requests, update each other with what's going on with our personal lives. After sometime, Pewee started to express his interest at me, interests that's a little bit more than that of a friendship. He asks me if i could let him love me. He won't ask anything in return basta hayaan ko lang daw sya ipakita sakin yung nararamdaman nya. I feel awkward at first. But later on i let him be. Since we are geographically far from each other and we only met once, i forgot what he said and continue to become friends with him. Then we meet again, since he is my friend, i talk to him the way i talk to my long time friends. We talked about various things. I laugh out loud with him. Comfortable lang ang peg. Then came the love life topic. I absent-mindedly told him that ever since I was a kid, I dreamed of marrying a foreigner with blue/green eyes, 6 feet tall, well toned body (i think, i'm dreaming of Henry Cavill here hehe). Because I really want to have a husband like that who will give me beautiful babies. (So selfish of me here huh,sorry). He just nod and smile while I talk. Then i forgot again that i told him such things during our second meeting.
I notice few weeks after that meeting, Pewee doesn't communicate to me that much. Unlike before,which i got text messages from him daily. So i asked him, why he seemed to be distant and silent. He didn't respond so I called him a week later. There he told me the reason behind the silence and aloofness. I was bit surprised when he said, "Na-realize ko na hindi na talaga ako magiging part ng life mo. So i have to let you go. Kailangan ko na mag move on." He explained that he needed to detached himself from me because everytime he communicates with me, he is hurting. Filled with emotions daw kasi yung pagtetext nya sakin. But i don't feel anything special from his text messages. My friends do the same way in texting me. Anyway, to cut the story short, I realized I hurt him and drove him away the moment i tactlessly blurted out my dream guy. I didn't expect it would have an impact on him. I wasn't aware (because nawala nga sa isip ko) that he has special feelings for me. I could have been sensitive on what he feels pero di ako naging maingat sa pagsasalita. I didn't believe that he was serious about his wanting to express what he feels for me. I thought nagjo-joke lang siya. Because i had other experiences with guys saying they will court me tapos wala naman pala.
I lost a friend when I didn't think of the words carefully before it came out of my mouth. I hurt a good man and i feel sorry about that. I said sorry to him and he said it's okay, naiintindihan nya daw ako. Now our friendship has changed. And I'm not sure if we can go back to what we used to be. But i also accepted the possibility that our friendship is really over na. And so i moved on as well just as he moved on from me.
Here are the things I learn that I wish I've known before I hurt a good man:
1.Be aware of the man's feelings. When he shows romantic interest at you even if you don't like him, be considerate of his feelings.
2.Be polite. If you really can't learn to like or love him no matter what, tell him the nice way. The kind of way he won't feel insecure or inferior.
3.Keep your dream guy traits to yourself. You don't need to tell him that you are head over heels with guys like Brad Pitt and Piolo Pascual.
4.Don't give false hopes. Wag kang paasa teh. Kung di mo type, tell him right away para di na sya gumawa pa ng efforts na alam mong masasayang lang kasi nga di mo type.
5.Pray and wait. If you want a real love story that is written by God. Pray and wait. Pray for God's will. Wait for God to act on your behalf. Trust Jesus for he cares for you.
From that experience I learn these insights. But you see it's not a wise act. Because I hurt someone(even though it's unintentional) in exchange for my learning. As what my father often remind us his children, "learning by experience is a lousy technique." True. Because we can learn from observation and from other people's stories especially when we have a teachable heart.
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