THE OTHER SIDE OF COURTSHIP

THE OTHER SIDE OF COURTSHIP


Courtship is courting or wooing as defined by Oxford Dictionary of Current English. It means to seek the hand or love of the person. Another meaning is to try to win fame or fortune etc. and to seek favor or support. In Filipino culture and term, courtship is called "panliligaw." When a guy likes a girl and he wants to have relationship with his love interest, he will court her. On the surface, courtship is cool. Most girls love to be pursued through many ways of courtship. Us girls wants to test the man's endurance and persistence in winning our hearts so there are times that we made the courtship process  a little bit harder for them. Syempre kung mas matiyaga si guy, mas pursigido,mas ma-effort,the girl is assured that she is really something to the guy. At mahal talaga siya nito. But the question is: how genuine is the guy's motive in courting a girl? What's the status of his heart? Is it love that drives him to court the girl or he just want something precious from her that he is willing to work his ass off so he can win the prize? Let's find out :)

There is this guy who courted my cousin and really made an effort to the point of changing his lifestyle just to win my cousin's heart. My cousin is a Christian,a  pastor's daughter so she is basically a church girl. This guy is unbeliever but he started to attend church services, get involved in the ministry, quit smoking and drinking, while pursuing my cousin. After some time, my cousin believed he is really a changed man, a real Christian because that's what he is showing in his new lifestyle. So she accepted him as her boyfriend. They were in a relationship for a year or two until my cousin went abroad to work. Geography create changes little by little on their relationship. My cousin heard rumors that her boyfriend is going back to his old life style: not going to church, frequent drinking and smoking and involving in fling affairs. At first, my cousin did not believe the news people are telling her. She thought it's merely paninira lang. She is confident her boyfriend loves her much and respect her. Sobrang nag effort daw ito nung nililigawan pa lang sya. There is this saying kasi na kapag pinaghirapan ng isang lalaki yung isang babae, hindi nya ito pakakawalan ng basta basta. Pahahalagahan nya ito. To cut the story short, my cousin found solid evidences that prove his man's not so good escapades. With a heavy heart, she broke up with him. After couple of months of the breakup, news bombarded my cousin that her ex boyfriend has new girlfriend already. And that he is super back to his old habit of smoking, drinking, going out for a gimik with his barkadas. My cousin was sad and disappointed because she thought he changed for good. That even they are not together, the guy would remain living in his new lifestyle. A real Christian lifestyle. But she was wrong. She was a victim of the not so good side of courtship in which the guy wore a mask and conform to what the girl wants so he can win her heart.

In my case, i didn't let guys who said they like me or interested at me proceed to courtship when on the first conversation they gave wrong answers to my usual questions. Girls, you will have an idea of what kind of man, wants to pursue you when you have conversation with him. If you are curious to know the guy, ask him questions. Check out his answers if it sounds real and reliable or stupid and full of lies. You can easily figure out if the guy is mayabang or nagsisinungaling on the way he talk. The way his eyes or brows twitch. The way his shoulders and hands move. Believe me, I've seen that to the guys I met. So from their answers I can already make a slight conclusion what they are, what they want. So i inform them to stop fooling me as soon as i gather my reasons. This attitude of mine got me a label of being choosy. People say, "choosy ka siguro kaya wala kang boyfriend." Eh ano gusto nilang gawin ko, patulan ng ganun-ganun na lang yung nanliligaw? Hehe. I read a line from a book that says, "it's better to remain single than to be with the wrong partner."

When you are in love, you are blinded to see the negative side of your love interest. Why would you look at it anyway, when he has lots of positive traits that make your heart beats faster. It feels so good to be wooed by the guy you like. But don't be too comfortable that what he is showing you is real. Minsan, kaplastikan nalang talaga yung panliligaw. Nowadays, courtship are becoming mere pretentions to both sexes. Hindi lang naman yung lalaki yung nagsusuot ng maskara during courtship. Yung babae din. Syempre, paano gaganahan si guy ligawan ka girl kung nagmamaldita ka? Of course, you will be nice to him. Minsan you act in a different personality so the guy can realize you are worth the hard work. But true colors will come out in marriage. After few years of being married dun lumalabas totoong ugali. Sometimes after few years of giving the guy your sweet "yes" surprising attitudes are coming out. It makes you blunt,"hindi ka naman ganyan dati!" Of course yes, he is  not like that before, because that's who he really  is actually. You just didn't see it during courtship. Because courtship nowadaws is hiding the real you and showing the appealing, desirable you. But girls, you may ask," how can i know the real him?" You will not actually get know the real him 100% but you will get an idea what kind of man he is. You need to make wise decisions before you commit yourself to the guy. Check out this insights I learn from experience, observation, reading and other people's stories:

Before you said YES:

1. Pray first that God will lead you to His will when it comes to having a boyfriend or husband. 
Let God write your love story. I know it's not easy to wait, but when it comes to this aspect of life, waiting for God's Best is necessary.

2.Pursue friendship with the guy first. By being friends with him, you will get to know his ideals, convictions,faith. You will know how he reacts/responds over things and situations. I have few good male friends that I'm kinda amuse knowing them spontaneously. When you are friends with someone, and you really want a genuine friendship, you need mask no more. You don't need to act in your alter ego or your multiple personality. You are being real because you want your friend to accept who you are. Real friends accept and love you for who you are. God loves you more just the way you are. No matter what you have done in the past. His love for you, covers all your wrongs. Micheal is  one of my few Christian guy friends. Since college we were good friends. So over the years, I come to know him. Mike is a generous giver in church, family and friends. His heart is always tuned in to God. Whenever he see not so good attitude in me, he  rebuke it. He will tell me frankly why it's bad and what's the right thing to do. His advices are biblically based so I believe he is right. I had some misunderstandings with Mike too, but we always say sorry to one another. Another good friend of mine is Matthew. He lives in the US but distance is not a block to our way in maintaining good friendship. Matt is my other adviser. His advices draw me closer to God. Strengthening my faith. We exchange prayer requests. I learn a lot about guys and relationship because Matt,as a guy shared his insight on those topics. What inspires me about Matt's life is his heart for Jesus. His faith and obedience to God and his passion for music.

3.Be real to yourself and to the guy. Check your heart first. Do you really like this guy? Do you see yourself with him for good? Girls, when you want to have a relationship with the opposite sex, be sure marriage is your goal. Unless you are not ready for marriage, better not to have a boyfriend...na for experience lang. People who consider having a boyfriend or  girlfriend for experience end up in
failure. That kind of relationship is short-term. And you will eventually have a broken heart.

4.Be frank but in a nice way. Kung hindi mo type si guy and you really think you will not fall for him even though he will take you to a galaxy trip or promise you a tour around the world in 80 days, tell him the truth. Wag na paasa teh para di ka makasakit ng kapwa. It's bit dangerous when you give false hopes to the guy then busted din pala in the end. The guy might store bitterness and hatred againts you in his heart that will drive him to do unlikely things againts you. Like the news we heard na yung girl kinidnap,ni-rape or pinatay ng manliligaw or ka-relasyon. Sige ka.

5.Learn how to love for real first. Love God above all so you will know how to love others as well. Love yourself too, for when you know how to love yourself, you know how to love a man. You cannot give love if you don't have love in you.

I only give five practical insights before you commit yourself in a relationship. I will talk more on topics like this on my next article. But as for now yan lang muna. If you have questions and suggestions feel free to contact me.

Be cautious girls. Don't be fooled with a sheep-like attitude the guy is showing you. Sa panahon ngayon tanghali nalang ang tapat, as the funny familiar statement says. Check out the guy's motive first. Ask questions. Do a little research on the guy's background. Kung may budget ka, hire an investigator. Pa imbestigahan mo secretly. Malay mo pamilyado na pala yung lalaking yan. Or the worst, hiding criminal pala. Damay ka sa mga issues na kinasasangkutan nya the moment you sealed a relationship with him. Pray for God's guidance for you to make wise decisions. Pray for discernment for you to know the real motive why the guy is pursuing you.