God is not like that

I'm writing a quick blog at this very moment in between my preparation for my accomplishment report for June 2017 (which is for submission tomorrow)...

So I went out at 8:00pm tonight to do a little unwinding walk around Ortigas CBD. The air that kissed my face and touched my hair is so cool and relaxing I wanted to float in slumber. So while walking, I felt some strange feeling that some not so good news would reached me anytime now. That kind of feeling that when i get back home I will know what is it all about. Walking, sight seeing (on the well-lit giant buildings surrounding me, observing people who passed me by and whom I passed by like I'm invisible and like they are invisible ( in my eyes). I sit for like an hour in Ortigas Park, I enjoyed my freedom, the free cool air that embraces me, the chill ambiance. Sitting, thinking (of everything and practically nothing),observing, thinking. Then I got bored and suddenly craved for some sugar. I ended up hitting McDonald's Hot Fudge haha.😄

So anyway, my more or less two-hour walk outside somehow ease out the humid feels I've been feeling the whole day (due to the weather I guess). I got inside my place and then the not so good news came. I wouldn't tell what it is but it's just a "U-turn" to where I thought I'm going. An unexpected "about face" of what I was trying to accomplish for months. I'm not disappointed or super discouraged. I was just sad because I thought this door of opportunity would open up for me. But it seems like it isn't the right door for me to enter.

It's weird but honestly the first thought that entered my mind after i got the news was this "you sinned and God is punishing you that's why you didn't make it" and I was like "what was that?' Then i took time remembering all the recent sins I have committed and I felt guilty and at some point agreed to that devilish voice inside my head saying I'm being punished. I prayed silently asking for forgiveness from the Lord. I always do that whenever I feel guilty because I know/thought I did something wrong whether I'm aware of it or not. "Father, please forgive me" was my prayer.

Then I talked to a trusted friend about how I felt at the moment. I shared to her my weird thoughts. And she said "GOD IS NOT LIKE THAT" ---that made me paused for a minute and contemplate. "Oo nga noh?" Yeah, right! God is not actually like that, that the moment you sin or did something wrong he will automatically punish you or reprimand you. Then God by His grace sends me an immediate comfort, a saving truth from that devilish convincing voice through the verse PSALM 103:10:

 

He  (God) does not treat us as our sins deserve

    or repay us according to our iniquities.

It's like I'm having an astral projection moment and suddenly my spirit was slammed back to my earthly body. The verse comforted me and enabled me to remember the bygones of God's grace and faithfulness inspite of my being a terrible sinner. Yes, it's true, God doesn't treat us on how much we sinned against Him and how we messed up with Him. Because if God  based His decision from our iniquities, we were all dead a long time ago. I whispered another prayer, "God please forgive me for I have doubted you." 

I'm comforted tonight. And I'm pretty sure that when the morning comes, I'm a happy bird as always. I would get up from my nest and flap my wings and fly out for the day's call.💋. Tonight will just be any other normal night of my life wherein I give it all to God and go to sleep.

Thanks to my friend Bea who lead me to that beautiful truth of who God is ( which I know for years but its good to be freshen up with the firmity of God's Word)  and to Allen who gave gentle "pat in a back" like reminder "Don't let that discouraged you. This door may not have opened but God has another door for you. God's will for your life will be fulfilled." And with that, I say, AMEN.

Goodnight loves and thank you for reading this quick unplanned blog. Hope God's story in my day to day life and experiences inspires you and gets you closer to Him. Ya'll are blessed!👆👍 

Obedience vs. Your Heart's Desire

It's been a long time since I posted a new entry to my blog page. I've been preoccupied with many things---at work basically, that even when my brain and my hands would tell me to grab my laptop and start typing my thoughts, I simply ignored the urges. But now, after I was encouraged by my dear friend Bea to go back to writing articles and songs, I'm motivated again :)

Anyway, I just to wanna share with you guys, what the Lord has done in my life recently. Though the struggle has been going on for like two years, it was just recently that finally God by His grace enable me to fully surrender the biggest baggage of my life to Him.

Obedience vs. your heart's desire is the topic that I want to share to you as this is so related to my current  situation. The talk with Bea is indeed a meaningful and sensible one.This friend of mine, shared to me the wisdom God has given to her for me to realize that I've been walking in the dark alley of my life, refusing to go out where there is light. Refusing to acknowledge the real struggle---the heart of the matter and pretending everything is going to be alright.

Last January 2016, during the prayer and fasting week in our church, I talked to our Pastor and shared to him my biggest struggle. I'm pretty sure that this was a struggle because it's going against God's commandments. But since I'm the kind of person who would want to take a risk and do things my way, hoping fate would favor me, I didn't stopped. I continued. The longer I allow myself to swim along the current of this messed up life, the more broken and hurt and sad I become. By the grace of God, I didn't explode nor had a serious depression problem. Praying, reading the Bible and talking to trusted Christian friends helped me stay on track.

My heart would tell me, "don't stop". "Fight for what you love. Don't be afraid to take the risk." But my mind would contradict my heart: "Don't fool yourself. Sin, no matter how big or small, no matter your intentions are-good or bad is still a sin. You wouldn't be living a happy life knowing that you are fighting God's will in your life. You are being disobedient here, Dove" So i was confuse. I prayed and prayed, read the Bible, seek godly advice but none of these ease the suffocating feeling boiling deep inside me. I'm so fed up. I'm so exhausted. My situation and the cause of my struggle zapped the energy and joy out of me. It took me some time before I realize that when you are nurturing "respectable sins" in your life, peace of mind and happiness became elusive. So i look back to the cross, and remember why did Jesus died for me? What did He saw in me, that He decided I'm worth dying for? Then I was taken back, in the old times, I saw myself fearfully and wonderfully made by my Creator. Holding me precious in His sight. A bunch of promises from my Maker, flashed in my memory. I recall them one by one. I started to regain my strength. It awakened my slumbering faith. I was recharged spiritually.

My heart's desire would want to keep this source of struggle, to stay in my life. At some point, it made me happy at another point it made me sad. I invested so much and I felt entitled so loosing my grip seemed to be impossible for me that time. But I was also convicted by the Holy Spirit as to what is the right thing to do. Would you grant the desire of your heart and continue living in sin and disobedience or would you be willing to give up, surrender him to the Lord and choose to obey God. Obedience to God brings blessings. Blessings you can never imagine how good it is.Obedience to God is an act of faith, a big step of trust, boldly saying, "God, you know who I am and what I want. I surrender my struggle to you. And i trust you that your will is still the perfect one for me."

We actually don't need to take matters in our own hands. The Bible says,

God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger." (Romans 2:6-8) Surrender your baggage of heartaches and disappointments , your bitterness and hatred, your failures and fears. Not all battles in life are worth fighting for. Not all people in your life are worth keeping. People who doesn't add up to your life, rather subtracts and divides your life into pieces.God's will won't let you exerted so much effort just to have it. It will come at your most, relaxed and convenient time. You don't need to chase after it, maintain it with financial expenses and feel like you are oblige to do your best just to keep it. God's will, once you have it, can never be taken by anyone else away from you. God's will is nothing but the best.

So choose obedience over your heart's desire. "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" (Jeremiah 17:9) Our hearts can deceive us into something good but apparently bad. When you obey God over your human nature desires, it brings  blessings to your life.

“Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”(Luke 11:28) Still, we are given the free will to choose. You can choose the desires of your heart and take the risk or you can choose to obey God and let Him do the rest.

Some thoughts way back...

I love this verse in the Bible, in Psalms 37:7 it says, " Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry our their wicked schemes." This is so true, sometimes we (I personally) become impatient in waiting when we want to do something instantly. We like to climb the ladder of success from bottom to top in just a short period of time. We expedite things because it's crazy to wait for how long, you don't know. There are times that we feel bit envious when we see others succeeded in just a short period of time.  God spoke to me, telling me to be still and to trust Him because He knows what's going on in my life. And even my future, He is sure that I am well taken care of.

I'm kind of bothered the past few days. I struggled because I'm over thinking things and concurring events in my life. My mind is restless. This is not good, health wise. To ease my burden, I started talking to my Christian friends and some trusted friends on what's going on with me. One friend lovingly,reminded me that what I gave to others, is not mine but God's. I'm only a steward of what God gave me. And if people outwit me or steal from me, they are stealing from God. The devil put this lie in my heart that helping (financially) the person I hardly know is plain stupidity. The devil destroyed my peace, feeding me negative thoughts and a number of  "what ifs." The devil sowed seeds of doubt in my heart making me ask myself, "did i do the right thing?" But  I know I did the right thing because the moment I decided to help the person, the burdened I carried the whole night (thinking and praying how can I help) faded away. I really felt the urgency to do something to help this person. And so I did. God knew what's in my heart. Why I do that. I know the feeling of wanting to achieve something important or wanting to make something happen but you can't because you don't have the resources? I know the feeling of having nothing but some good people unexpectedly helped me. When I was confined in the hospital few years ago, I don't have a single penny to pay the hospital bills so I can be discharged. Where did the P45,000 cash came from? It's God's provision through various people He prompted to help me financially. It was an answered prayer. And it only proved that in my nothingness God showed His greatness. Where did my healing came from? It's from the Great Healer of all times. Where did my provision came from? It's from the Great Provider who is always on time---Jesus.

The Kind of Woman You Can Be

I took an hour walk outside  after I had a home-made dinner I prepared for myself. I remember what a good friend told me that walking can help clear your mind off. Well that wasn't really my intention why I went out for a walk, rather it's more of burning some calories and giving my knees, legs and feet an exercise. As an office girl from Monday to Friday (except when I'm out of town for official business trips), the almost 8-hour working time is spent  mostly on sitting and working with computer. So having a walking exercise is somehow a good move to keep me fit.

While walking, I played "Blank Space" on my cellphone. This was a song performed by Taylor Swift in collaboration with other artists/composers Max Martin and Shellback. As I was listening to the song, this unrelated thought (to the song) flashed on my mind, " I should not be the kind of woman who doesn't need a man just to be happy and be filling whole and fulfilled. Instead, I should be the kind of woman, a man would need and asked to spent the rest of my life with him." Then a new thought came in. It's a thought about Taylor Swift, "Look at Taylor Swift, she doesn't care whether a man would leave her. When a man does that to her, she  moves on, keeps going and continue to shine in the area in which she is most passionate about, the music industry and show business. Taylor seemed not to be in need of a man just to make her happy and complete. She is fine by herself with or without a boyfriend." Of course, I don't idolized Taylor or make her my role model in relationship, but she is indeed a tough girl who doesn't get disoriented and morosed each time her relationship fails.

Photo from thetab.com

I was just inspired by how strong she is, like she isn't needy of a man's attention and affection (that's my assumption about her, I may be wrong). Last night, I watched Seducing Mr. Perfect on You Tube. It's a Korean, comedy-romance film, dubbed in Tagalog. It's the story of a sweet and cute lady who is always dedicated in love and relationship but was always being left out by her boyfriends. When she got along just fine with her boss, who is a handsome yet cold-hearted and tough man, she seeks his advice on how to redeem herself back from the last relationship she had. The boss told her that love and relationship is a game of power, a manipulation of emotions. If I remember it right, Robin Heiden (the boss) said something like, ""It's actually a game that requires even greater precision and planning. A game of power. Manipulations of emotions to control the mind... That's the game." "It's the game where the one who displays affection first, gives up total control and goes around like a dog on a collar". His last statement hit me. Because I found it out to be true somehow. Sa isang relasyon, especially kung ligawan portion palang, kung sino ang naunang magpakita ng emosyon and affection, siya yung talo. I mean, the guy/girl can have a hold on you because he already knew you're so into him/her. That's why some guys who doesn't view relationships as a serious thing, enjoys playing with girls who showed so much affection and attention to them. Eventually these guys become emotional manipulators. And girls who falls head over heels with them becomes their prey. I'll be writing a separate blog on how to spot an emotional manipulator before you go deeper in a relationship.

So back to the thought of being the kind of woman who doesn't need a man just to be a happy and be feeling complete and fulfilled. Honestly, it takes the grace of God before I finally realized and live by that truth, that I don't need a man just to be happy and be feeling secure. Of course, I'll be needing a man if I want to have a kid, but that's another story. My past relationships didn't worked out well. I was like Min-June in that movie, Seducing Mr. Perfect. I'm always dedicated, expressive and affectionate in every relationship that I had. I'm always the giver, the one who understands, the one who let go of the shortcomings and flaws, the one got blamed why the relationship didn't worked out. I was like "what's wrong with me?" My friends would tell me, "nothing's wrong with you. they are not just the right ones for you." They spoke the truth and that truth hurts me even more. Why? Because I failed in choosing the guy that I thought was right for me. Only to find out, I was totally wrong. It can be that I was deceived because these guys pretended to be the kind of person they were not or I was simply like Min-June who doesn't know how to play that game of power and manipulation of feelings that Robin Heiden had told her. I don't want to pretend I like someone when I don't and vice versa. I don't want to manipulate a man's feelings or emotions (even other people) just to get what I want or made them do what I want. I don't want to control other people just like I don't want anyone else to control me or manipulate me.

Later on, I came to understand that relationship would actually fail if it's not mean to be (the most shallow reason I can give, but it isn't always like that). But actually, relationship will fail if the couple don't have common relationship goals and without concurrence with one another. It's like they just go with the flow, aimlessly, mindlessly. And before they knew it, they already wasted so much time for nothing. Relationship will fail if one person is aiming or looking forward for marriage (because that's how it's supposed to be diba? Why be in a relationship giving your time and effort to make it work, if you only want to just f**** around?) while the other person is not yet done with his/her crap and is heading to an exactly different direction. What can you expect from that? Nothing, just frustration, suffering and pain. So better find the courage to stop, the moment you see the first sign of a pointless, crappy relationship with the person you're dating.

You can be the kind of woman who doesn't need a man just to make you feel complete. The kind of woman who needs the presence of a man in her life just to show other people she has a love life. Practically speaking, most men don't like needy, dramatic and emotionally immature women who builds their world around men and relationship. I've read alot of articles, surveys and interviews about the various opinion  of men on these issues. You can be a woman of worth and significance that you'll be doing just fine with or without a man.Look for a man who adds value to your life, not the one who who devalues you. Look for a man who respects you and your convictions in life and not laugh at it just because he is liberated and has a liberal views and way of thinking. But most importantly, look for a man who fears God and loves God more that anyone else. Because if a man fears God and loves God, I'm pretty sure he knows how to treat a woman well.

God Is Greater Than Our Feelings

        Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.

                                                       1 John 3:20

 

      This a testimony of what God has done in my life lately. As a chronic thinker, my mind goes endlessly thinking of the most possible dramatic and exaggerated scenarios that could happen. I overthink things too to the point that I think two steps ahead from the simple and ordinary. You can call me a pessimist because the moment I turn on the invisible button in my brain and start thinking negatively, some unlikely bad feeling started to boil up inside of me which will result to unlikely response towards others and even to myself.

      I’ve been feeling burdened lately as if there’s a dagger in my heart and some grayish cloud above my head. It started when I discovered something unpleasant. No need to  elaborate it anymore because this has been settled. And I have lifted it up in prayer. I am confident God is at work now. I wasn’t ready to hear and see something bad I guess, because when it came last week, I was caught off guard and started to worry about it. My mind would think hurtful and stressing thoughts to the point that I’m feeling the hurt physically. My heart would beat faster each time I think of that unlikely scenario. Pastor Charles Stanley was right, all the bad memories we have in the past is just there, lingering in our mind. In a snap of a finger, these memories flashes back in our minds and we are not fully healed, we will always get hurt resulting to a downcast response towards things and people.  We cannot remove it overnight. Only Jesus can deliver us from these destructive, enslaving, condemning thoughts. Only Jesus can erase those bad memories that haunt us every night.

       Just this morning, I listened to Pastor Charles Stanley’s sermon in Podcast entitled “Control Your Thoughts” Pastor Stanley emphasized the power of our minds. The mind is the control tower of our lives. Our thoughts control us and we respond to the way we think. Looking back, I realized that a sudden change in my attitude (I became irritable, fearful, doubtful and “praning”) was the result of the negative thoughts wandering in my mind. I let these negative thoughts control my actions. This bothered me so much that the first thing I did is bend my knees on prayer asking for God’s grace and mercy to deliver me from the burden and pain I’ve been experiencing for a week. I cannot let this situation last for another week, I told the Lord. I don’t want to be anxious or stress by the bad thoughts I’ve seeing in my head because this is not good for my health. God saw my burden. Once again, He let his grace reign over me. Each day, I feel that the Holy Spirit is at work in my heart, mind and body. I can feel the healing, the relief and the peace that little by little out shadowed the darkness caused by sin and negative thoughts. I asked my friend to pray for me, especially that I’m feeling sick at the same time. The prayer of a righteous man and woman is powerful. And I’m blessed to have friends who are made right in the eyes of God, not by their deeds but by the grace of God. I soaked myself in prayer, many times a day. I rebuke the bad feelings and thoughts each time it crept up inside me. These negativities are the works of the devil to bring me down and side tracked me. Especially now, because the Lord has granted me a big break on my career wherein excellence and success is a sure thing. And Satan is not happy about this so he commanded a legion of evil spirits to do their best to bring me down. But I am victorious in Christ Jesus. When Jesus died on the cross to pay the price of my sins and when I believe and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior putting all my trust, hope and faith in Him---that’s when I gain my victory in Christ. The power of the cross and what Jesus has done are something else that I could brag about in my life. 

       Moving on, the burden in my heart is fading away like a snow melting under the heat of the sun. This the part where I can confirm over and over again that prayer works anytime, anywhere. God listens to our prayers. He doesn’t need an eloquent speech type of a prayer. Just say what you want to say and how you feel about it to the God who created the universe and you. Believe me He is powerful enough to change your heart & character, another person’s heart and character and the very situation you are into. God wants you to give all your cares to Him for He cares for you. Don’t think of yourself as anyone of a lesser value because Christ died for you. God said in Isaiah 43:4, “You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you.” What a comfort! That the Maker of this world and all that we see around us, would say “I love you” to you. This is grace. This is unmerited favor. We cannot gain God’s love and favor, He willingly give it to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. The choice is yours to accept Jesus or reject Him in your life.

      Now I’m free. I am healed and I am feeling better than the day before. Praise be to God who fix my heart and renew my mind. I learn to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus all that concerns me from my work, family, relationship, finances and health to the people around me and the community I belong to. I learned that God is greater than our feelings. He is greater than my anxieties. He is greater than the fear of the unknown. He is greater even on the pangs of death and crucial suffering. To God be the glory and honor and power forever and ever!

Raw Deal

I usually love Mondays. It's the day of the week that reminds me that I have a great job  and colleagues to gladly spend my time within the next four days of my office life. I'm more into T.G.I.M type of a person than a T.G.I.F one. This Monday is no ordinary day for me. I've been excited for this special week to come. The pragmatic reason of this excitement is that I'll be having a dinner date with my boyfriend and it's all set. So i myself was too ready with what I will wear and what food to order. I was ready with all this expectations that this date would come out nice and smooth as I planned.

Then an unexpected scenario stole the momentum. My boyfriend called me in the morning and asked me to cancel the dinner reservation for tonight because he is too tired to travel and he wanted to rest. He's been on a routine training early in the morning from Mondays to Fridays for months--- so literally speaking my man's energy is sapped by this routines. So he has a valid reason, right? But instead of sympathizing with him and switched on the understanding girlfriend button in me, I went ballistic. perturbed emotions are swirling up inside me and I suddenly burst out into tears in front of my two colleagues. I was like a kid being robbed with my favorite toy. My colleagues asked me, "Oh why are you crying?" Then I told them in a gibberish way, because I cannot pronounce the words clearly due to the overwhelming emotion boiling up inside me. I was mad. Really mad. What a downer! Without having a second thought, I fired back offensive words to my guy that pisses him off. He was mad too. So we fought over the phone and I was crying while talking to him. This  has been a shitty day. After awhile, the heated argument subside. I started to compose myself with matching inhale-exhale trick and it helps. I keep on murmuring silent prayers because I don't want this dispute to get worst and last for a day. 

My friends are giving me comforts by saying, "It's okay Dove. You must understand his situation. It's no big deal actually etc etc." Well it's easy for them to say that. But deep inside, I'm embarrassed. To whom? I can't figure out. Maybe to myself because I expect too much. Expectation says I'm gonna have a wonderful dinner date tonight but reality says Jeff is tired and he needed rest. So when the expectation was not met, I was disappointed and angry. My man would say, "You have to control your emotions. There's nothing to feel embarrassed about cancelling the dinner...stop being childish always. You're not a kid anymore. You were young once, stop acting as if you are the baby in the house...behave and stay focus and positive." There you go. I'm guilty as charge and that made me speechless. All i can respond back is "O-okay." He has a point. Whether I admit it or not because of pride, my boyfriend is right. Damn,this ain't easy. I thought handling relationship is as easy as cooking my favorite pancakes with whatever toppings of my choice. This is different. And it's really about two people working out whatever differences and misunderstandings they have so they meet halfway and retain harmony in the relationship. 

This is not about what I want and how I want things to happen. This is about understanding my partner and being patient with him, It's either me or him. So whoever is the mature one, he or she should take the initiative to change things for the better. Because if I keep being one-sided and self-centered, any relationships I involved myself with, would end up shattered. So today I learned, not to be too emotional and stress myself over petty things. I should not play the role of a baby crying over a spilled milk. Hindi na bagay sakin ang ganyang peg. I really appreciate that Jeff has the guts to rebuke my negative attitude out of care or concern for me so it's better to tell me than leave it unsaid. I'm too aware now but I keep on slipping out every now and then. Let me share to you the unsolicited wisdom I've learned today. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense at all, but let me try :-)

Relationships are not a bed of roses, rather it's made of bushes and thorns, sugar and spice. So what will you do when some unlikely situation is taking its toll on your relationship. Don' forget to press the following self buttons:

CALM MODE BUTTON- Shit happens not only in your relationship but in other aspect of your life as well, like career and family. Most of the time, it's beyond your control. So what you're gonna do when you found out your partner is cheating on you, or you've heard a bad news that he/she got an accident or your most awaited date has been cancelled? Are you going frantic and burst out into all the negative emotions you ever garnered? Or you gonna press the calm mode button then take a pause, relax, inhale-exhale. Have a seat and don't do anything foolish or childish. You will never ever make a wise or good decision out of emotional and psychological combustion. When you're angry none of the words you're saying would sound good and beneficial. Only daggers and bullets and fire balls would come out of your mouth metaphorically.

PRAYER MODE BUTTON- Do not underestimate the power of prayer. Prayer changes things. And because nothing is impossible with God, He can change an unlikely event of your life into a good one. If you love the Lord and you fear Him, he will causes all things to work together for your good...(Romans 8:28). If God can change a person's heart, how much more a situation? Prayer does a lot. When you submit yourself to God, He will give you wisdom on what to do and how to do it. He will teach you what to say and how to say it.

BESTFRIEND MODE BUTTON- Does your partner consider you his/her bestfriend? Don't just be a lover. Be a friend he/she can count on. When you switch on the best friend button, you are in the mode of listening and sympathizing with your man. Listen without interrupting. Sympathize without judging. 

When your partner sees a friend in you, he/she would eventually will confide or vent out on you. All the information you are dying to know from him/her, will be given to you voluntarily. It will save you effort from extracting juicy info on your own. Haha!

That's all I can share for now. By God's grace before the day ends, the conflict between me and Jeff was settled. It's by God's grace na nagkaayos kami agad and that I understand his situation and his point. Sana wala ng aftershock toh hahaha. Praise God as well for the good news He gave me to make my day.

Miscommunication in Relationship

Communication  is an essential ingredient of a good relationship. Aside from love & respect, trust & loyalty, an explicit or understandable communication with your partner should not be considered less of a value when it comes to relationship essentials. To be understood, communicating with your partner should be interpersonal. Meaning, there is an exchange in conversation or information shared may it be in  a verbal or non-verbal communication. Usually, this is done face-to-face. But since we are living in techie world, we communicate through various electronic medium like email, social network, and instant messaging. With this we can get an impromtu response (when the person is online of course) Thus, I think, this too can be considered interpersonal. But what happens when you are both expressing something but get a different perception? Dissonance will take its place. There will be a clash of misunderstood feelings that will stir up emotions that will result in an argument or the worst a shoddy fight. Third party or infidelity is not always the reason for break-ups or separation. Sometimes, it's obscure communication between the couples that causes break-ups. The girl would whine,"He doesn't listen, he doesn't understand me. He's so so." The guy would whimper, "She talk to much. She doesn't listen. Blah blah blah!" When the couple, takes it personally (what their partners are telling them) a discord in the relationship has been created.

Since I'm dating a foreign guy, I have few struggles communicating with him. He would say a ambiguous sentences, but mean otherwise than how I perceived it. I can hardly understood when he says something verbally because he has a different accent and diction that's not easy to comprehend. You really need to listen well otherwise you will often misunderstood him. And give quiet an opposite response. That's the challenge for me. How can I understand what he means and how can I communicate to him in a way that he would understand? Again, I'm still a work in progress here. This is where I realized the truth behind James words, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry," James 1:19. Quick to listen means you are attentive, "all ears" they say, on what the speaker is babbling about so you can comprehend what he or she is trying to say. Slow to speak means, talk slowly---literally! I'm guilty of this haha because I talk too much and I talk fast promise. My mouth is like a machine gun, the bullets are endlessly coming out. So my boyfriend, often rebuke me "You talk too much. You go merry go round before you  spit it out" He's right but my pride keep me from admitting it without getting offended. Each time he rebukes me discreetly, I would feel annoyed and I wan't to backfire at him but of course this isn't the wisest thing to do right? My negative response would only arise conflicts between us. So all I do is to stay composed, take a deep breath and let it go.I would talk to him later when my boiling inner core had subside. If I remain too sensitive and takes it personally each time, ako din lang ang mahihirapan. Life is short, instead of ruminating on the not so good things happening to me and all the negativities zapping my energy, why not focus on the positive and good things simulataneously? Besides, God loves me for who I am, unconditionally and I'm somebody else. Oha! These are my affirmations so I actually don't hold grudges to anyone. I can forgive cause I know what it's like to be forgiven. 

So what are the barriers of communication that usually cause conflicts in relationships? Check the diagram. Can you point out something you can relate to? I can tell that when I play the role of a sender or the speaker I use jargon. I don't know why I'm not always straight to the point. I mumble gibberish and it's not funny, really, for my age. So again, it's a challenge to change. It's not easy you know, cause us women are naturally loquacious. We enjoy talking from one topic to another without getting bored at it. We are good in expressing ourselves right? Kudos to all women who can express themselves with confidence. But what good it is, if we express ourselves but we are not being understood? What good it is, if we say something but we are not understood? 

This is where a good communication skill should take effect. It's not innate. You have to work it out, gradually. You start by being a good listener. A good listener simply listens carefully, without interventions. Then learn how to speak slowly. Pause. Think. Speak. It's crucial that we should think first before we speak. Cause once a certain word is spoken, you could never take it back. It's not easy to shift gears you know, when it's already a habit for years. But we all need to change for the better. It's my goal not to be stagnant and remain the same old me. I'm working to improve  and come out with a 2.0 version of myself. You too can do the same, it pays to listen to the rebukes from the people who love you. In the end, you will realize that an open rebuke (so you can change the not so good about yourself) is better than a secret love. It's in the Bible. Psalm 27: 5.