Miscommunication in Relationship

Communication  is an essential ingredient of a good relationship. Aside from love & respect, trust & loyalty, an explicit or understandable communication with your partner should not be considered less of a value when it comes to relationship essentials. To be understood, communicating with your partner should be interpersonal. Meaning, there is an exchange in conversation or information shared may it be in  a verbal or non-verbal communication. Usually, this is done face-to-face. But since we are living in techie world, we communicate through various electronic medium like email, social network, and instant messaging. With this we can get an impromtu response (when the person is online of course) Thus, I think, this too can be considered interpersonal. But what happens when you are both expressing something but get a different perception? Dissonance will take its place. There will be a clash of misunderstood feelings that will stir up emotions that will result in an argument or the worst a shoddy fight. Third party or infidelity is not always the reason for break-ups or separation. Sometimes, it's obscure communication between the couples that causes break-ups. The girl would whine,"He doesn't listen, he doesn't understand me. He's so so." The guy would whimper, "She talk to much. She doesn't listen. Blah blah blah!" When the couple, takes it personally (what their partners are telling them) a discord in the relationship has been created.

Since I'm dating a foreign guy, I have few struggles communicating with him. He would say a ambiguous sentences, but mean otherwise than how I perceived it. I can hardly understood when he says something verbally because he has a different accent and diction that's not easy to comprehend. You really need to listen well otherwise you will often misunderstood him. And give quiet an opposite response. That's the challenge for me. How can I understand what he means and how can I communicate to him in a way that he would understand? Again, I'm still a work in progress here. This is where I realized the truth behind James words, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry," James 1:19. Quick to listen means you are attentive, "all ears" they say, on what the speaker is babbling about so you can comprehend what he or she is trying to say. Slow to speak means, talk slowly---literally! I'm guilty of this haha because I talk too much and I talk fast promise. My mouth is like a machine gun, the bullets are endlessly coming out. So my boyfriend, often rebuke me "You talk too much. You go merry go round before you  spit it out" He's right but my pride keep me from admitting it without getting offended. Each time he rebukes me discreetly, I would feel annoyed and I wan't to backfire at him but of course this isn't the wisest thing to do right? My negative response would only arise conflicts between us. So all I do is to stay composed, take a deep breath and let it go.I would talk to him later when my boiling inner core had subside. If I remain too sensitive and takes it personally each time, ako din lang ang mahihirapan. Life is short, instead of ruminating on the not so good things happening to me and all the negativities zapping my energy, why not focus on the positive and good things simulataneously? Besides, God loves me for who I am, unconditionally and I'm somebody else. Oha! These are my affirmations so I actually don't hold grudges to anyone. I can forgive cause I know what it's like to be forgiven. 

So what are the barriers of communication that usually cause conflicts in relationships? Check the diagram. Can you point out something you can relate to? I can tell that when I play the role of a sender or the speaker I use jargon. I don't know why I'm not always straight to the point. I mumble gibberish and it's not funny, really, for my age. So again, it's a challenge to change. It's not easy you know, cause us women are naturally loquacious. We enjoy talking from one topic to another without getting bored at it. We are good in expressing ourselves right? Kudos to all women who can express themselves with confidence. But what good it is, if we express ourselves but we are not being understood? What good it is, if we say something but we are not understood? 

This is where a good communication skill should take effect. It's not innate. You have to work it out, gradually. You start by being a good listener. A good listener simply listens carefully, without interventions. Then learn how to speak slowly. Pause. Think. Speak. It's crucial that we should think first before we speak. Cause once a certain word is spoken, you could never take it back. It's not easy to shift gears you know, when it's already a habit for years. But we all need to change for the better. It's my goal not to be stagnant and remain the same old me. I'm working to improve  and come out with a 2.0 version of myself. You too can do the same, it pays to listen to the rebukes from the people who love you. In the end, you will realize that an open rebuke (so you can change the not so good about yourself) is better than a secret love. It's in the Bible. Psalm 27: 5.