Raw Deal

I usually love Mondays. It's the day of the week that reminds me that I have a great job  and colleagues to gladly spend my time within the next four days of my office life. I'm more into T.G.I.M type of a person than a T.G.I.F one. This Monday is no ordinary day for me. I've been excited for this special week to come. The pragmatic reason of this excitement is that I'll be having a dinner date with my boyfriend and it's all set. So i myself was too ready with what I will wear and what food to order. I was ready with all this expectations that this date would come out nice and smooth as I planned.

Then an unexpected scenario stole the momentum. My boyfriend called me in the morning and asked me to cancel the dinner reservation for tonight because he is too tired to travel and he wanted to rest. He's been on a routine training early in the morning from Mondays to Fridays for months--- so literally speaking my man's energy is sapped by this routines. So he has a valid reason, right? But instead of sympathizing with him and switched on the understanding girlfriend button in me, I went ballistic. perturbed emotions are swirling up inside me and I suddenly burst out into tears in front of my two colleagues. I was like a kid being robbed with my favorite toy. My colleagues asked me, "Oh why are you crying?" Then I told them in a gibberish way, because I cannot pronounce the words clearly due to the overwhelming emotion boiling up inside me. I was mad. Really mad. What a downer! Without having a second thought, I fired back offensive words to my guy that pisses him off. He was mad too. So we fought over the phone and I was crying while talking to him. This  has been a shitty day. After awhile, the heated argument subside. I started to compose myself with matching inhale-exhale trick and it helps. I keep on murmuring silent prayers because I don't want this dispute to get worst and last for a day. 

My friends are giving me comforts by saying, "It's okay Dove. You must understand his situation. It's no big deal actually etc etc." Well it's easy for them to say that. But deep inside, I'm embarrassed. To whom? I can't figure out. Maybe to myself because I expect too much. Expectation says I'm gonna have a wonderful dinner date tonight but reality says Jeff is tired and he needed rest. So when the expectation was not met, I was disappointed and angry. My man would say, "You have to control your emotions. There's nothing to feel embarrassed about cancelling the dinner...stop being childish always. You're not a kid anymore. You were young once, stop acting as if you are the baby in the house...behave and stay focus and positive." There you go. I'm guilty as charge and that made me speechless. All i can respond back is "O-okay." He has a point. Whether I admit it or not because of pride, my boyfriend is right. Damn,this ain't easy. I thought handling relationship is as easy as cooking my favorite pancakes with whatever toppings of my choice. This is different. And it's really about two people working out whatever differences and misunderstandings they have so they meet halfway and retain harmony in the relationship. 

This is not about what I want and how I want things to happen. This is about understanding my partner and being patient with him, It's either me or him. So whoever is the mature one, he or she should take the initiative to change things for the better. Because if I keep being one-sided and self-centered, any relationships I involved myself with, would end up shattered. So today I learned, not to be too emotional and stress myself over petty things. I should not play the role of a baby crying over a spilled milk. Hindi na bagay sakin ang ganyang peg. I really appreciate that Jeff has the guts to rebuke my negative attitude out of care or concern for me so it's better to tell me than leave it unsaid. I'm too aware now but I keep on slipping out every now and then. Let me share to you the unsolicited wisdom I've learned today. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense at all, but let me try :-)

Relationships are not a bed of roses, rather it's made of bushes and thorns, sugar and spice. So what will you do when some unlikely situation is taking its toll on your relationship. Don' forget to press the following self buttons:

CALM MODE BUTTON- Shit happens not only in your relationship but in other aspect of your life as well, like career and family. Most of the time, it's beyond your control. So what you're gonna do when you found out your partner is cheating on you, or you've heard a bad news that he/she got an accident or your most awaited date has been cancelled? Are you going frantic and burst out into all the negative emotions you ever garnered? Or you gonna press the calm mode button then take a pause, relax, inhale-exhale. Have a seat and don't do anything foolish or childish. You will never ever make a wise or good decision out of emotional and psychological combustion. When you're angry none of the words you're saying would sound good and beneficial. Only daggers and bullets and fire balls would come out of your mouth metaphorically.

PRAYER MODE BUTTON- Do not underestimate the power of prayer. Prayer changes things. And because nothing is impossible with God, He can change an unlikely event of your life into a good one. If you love the Lord and you fear Him, he will causes all things to work together for your good...(Romans 8:28). If God can change a person's heart, how much more a situation? Prayer does a lot. When you submit yourself to God, He will give you wisdom on what to do and how to do it. He will teach you what to say and how to say it.

BESTFRIEND MODE BUTTON- Does your partner consider you his/her bestfriend? Don't just be a lover. Be a friend he/she can count on. When you switch on the best friend button, you are in the mode of listening and sympathizing with your man. Listen without interrupting. Sympathize without judging. 

When your partner sees a friend in you, he/she would eventually will confide or vent out on you. All the information you are dying to know from him/her, will be given to you voluntarily. It will save you effort from extracting juicy info on your own. Haha!

That's all I can share for now. By God's grace before the day ends, the conflict between me and Jeff was settled. It's by God's grace na nagkaayos kami agad and that I understand his situation and his point. Sana wala ng aftershock toh hahaha. Praise God as well for the good news He gave me to make my day.