The Kind of Woman You Can Be

I took an hour walk outside  after I had a home-made dinner I prepared for myself. I remember what a good friend told me that walking can help clear your mind off. Well that wasn't really my intention why I went out for a walk, rather it's more of burning some calories and giving my knees, legs and feet an exercise. As an office girl from Monday to Friday (except when I'm out of town for official business trips), the almost 8-hour working time is spent  mostly on sitting and working with computer. So having a walking exercise is somehow a good move to keep me fit.

While walking, I played "Blank Space" on my cellphone. This was a song performed by Taylor Swift in collaboration with other artists/composers Max Martin and Shellback. As I was listening to the song, this unrelated thought (to the song) flashed on my mind, " I should not be the kind of woman who doesn't need a man just to be happy and be filling whole and fulfilled. Instead, I should be the kind of woman, a man would need and asked to spent the rest of my life with him." Then a new thought came in. It's a thought about Taylor Swift, "Look at Taylor Swift, she doesn't care whether a man would leave her. When a man does that to her, she  moves on, keeps going and continue to shine in the area in which she is most passionate about, the music industry and show business. Taylor seemed not to be in need of a man just to make her happy and complete. She is fine by herself with or without a boyfriend." Of course, I don't idolized Taylor or make her my role model in relationship, but she is indeed a tough girl who doesn't get disoriented and morosed each time her relationship fails.

Photo from thetab.com

I was just inspired by how strong she is, like she isn't needy of a man's attention and affection (that's my assumption about her, I may be wrong). Last night, I watched Seducing Mr. Perfect on You Tube. It's a Korean, comedy-romance film, dubbed in Tagalog. It's the story of a sweet and cute lady who is always dedicated in love and relationship but was always being left out by her boyfriends. When she got along just fine with her boss, who is a handsome yet cold-hearted and tough man, she seeks his advice on how to redeem herself back from the last relationship she had. The boss told her that love and relationship is a game of power, a manipulation of emotions. If I remember it right, Robin Heiden (the boss) said something like, ""It's actually a game that requires even greater precision and planning. A game of power. Manipulations of emotions to control the mind... That's the game." "It's the game where the one who displays affection first, gives up total control and goes around like a dog on a collar". His last statement hit me. Because I found it out to be true somehow. Sa isang relasyon, especially kung ligawan portion palang, kung sino ang naunang magpakita ng emosyon and affection, siya yung talo. I mean, the guy/girl can have a hold on you because he already knew you're so into him/her. That's why some guys who doesn't view relationships as a serious thing, enjoys playing with girls who showed so much affection and attention to them. Eventually these guys become emotional manipulators. And girls who falls head over heels with them becomes their prey. I'll be writing a separate blog on how to spot an emotional manipulator before you go deeper in a relationship.

So back to the thought of being the kind of woman who doesn't need a man just to be a happy and be feeling complete and fulfilled. Honestly, it takes the grace of God before I finally realized and live by that truth, that I don't need a man just to be happy and be feeling secure. Of course, I'll be needing a man if I want to have a kid, but that's another story. My past relationships didn't worked out well. I was like Min-June in that movie, Seducing Mr. Perfect. I'm always dedicated, expressive and affectionate in every relationship that I had. I'm always the giver, the one who understands, the one who let go of the shortcomings and flaws, the one got blamed why the relationship didn't worked out. I was like "what's wrong with me?" My friends would tell me, "nothing's wrong with you. they are not just the right ones for you." They spoke the truth and that truth hurts me even more. Why? Because I failed in choosing the guy that I thought was right for me. Only to find out, I was totally wrong. It can be that I was deceived because these guys pretended to be the kind of person they were not or I was simply like Min-June who doesn't know how to play that game of power and manipulation of feelings that Robin Heiden had told her. I don't want to pretend I like someone when I don't and vice versa. I don't want to manipulate a man's feelings or emotions (even other people) just to get what I want or made them do what I want. I don't want to control other people just like I don't want anyone else to control me or manipulate me.

Later on, I came to understand that relationship would actually fail if it's not mean to be (the most shallow reason I can give, but it isn't always like that). But actually, relationship will fail if the couple don't have common relationship goals and without concurrence with one another. It's like they just go with the flow, aimlessly, mindlessly. And before they knew it, they already wasted so much time for nothing. Relationship will fail if one person is aiming or looking forward for marriage (because that's how it's supposed to be diba? Why be in a relationship giving your time and effort to make it work, if you only want to just f**** around?) while the other person is not yet done with his/her crap and is heading to an exactly different direction. What can you expect from that? Nothing, just frustration, suffering and pain. So better find the courage to stop, the moment you see the first sign of a pointless, crappy relationship with the person you're dating.

You can be the kind of woman who doesn't need a man just to make you feel complete. The kind of woman who needs the presence of a man in her life just to show other people she has a love life. Practically speaking, most men don't like needy, dramatic and emotionally immature women who builds their world around men and relationship. I've read alot of articles, surveys and interviews about the various opinion  of men on these issues. You can be a woman of worth and significance that you'll be doing just fine with or without a man.Look for a man who adds value to your life, not the one who who devalues you. Look for a man who respects you and your convictions in life and not laugh at it just because he is liberated and has a liberal views and way of thinking. But most importantly, look for a man who fears God and loves God more that anyone else. Because if a man fears God and loves God, I'm pretty sure he knows how to treat a woman well.