God Is Greater Than Our Feelings

        Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.

                                                       1 John 3:20

 

      This a testimony of what God has done in my life lately. As a chronic thinker, my mind goes endlessly thinking of the most possible dramatic and exaggerated scenarios that could happen. I overthink things too to the point that I think two steps ahead from the simple and ordinary. You can call me a pessimist because the moment I turn on the invisible button in my brain and start thinking negatively, some unlikely bad feeling started to boil up inside of me which will result to unlikely response towards others and even to myself.

      I’ve been feeling burdened lately as if there’s a dagger in my heart and some grayish cloud above my head. It started when I discovered something unpleasant. No need to  elaborate it anymore because this has been settled. And I have lifted it up in prayer. I am confident God is at work now. I wasn’t ready to hear and see something bad I guess, because when it came last week, I was caught off guard and started to worry about it. My mind would think hurtful and stressing thoughts to the point that I’m feeling the hurt physically. My heart would beat faster each time I think of that unlikely scenario. Pastor Charles Stanley was right, all the bad memories we have in the past is just there, lingering in our mind. In a snap of a finger, these memories flashes back in our minds and we are not fully healed, we will always get hurt resulting to a downcast response towards things and people.  We cannot remove it overnight. Only Jesus can deliver us from these destructive, enslaving, condemning thoughts. Only Jesus can erase those bad memories that haunt us every night.

       Just this morning, I listened to Pastor Charles Stanley’s sermon in Podcast entitled “Control Your Thoughts” Pastor Stanley emphasized the power of our minds. The mind is the control tower of our lives. Our thoughts control us and we respond to the way we think. Looking back, I realized that a sudden change in my attitude (I became irritable, fearful, doubtful and “praning”) was the result of the negative thoughts wandering in my mind. I let these negative thoughts control my actions. This bothered me so much that the first thing I did is bend my knees on prayer asking for God’s grace and mercy to deliver me from the burden and pain I’ve been experiencing for a week. I cannot let this situation last for another week, I told the Lord. I don’t want to be anxious or stress by the bad thoughts I’ve seeing in my head because this is not good for my health. God saw my burden. Once again, He let his grace reign over me. Each day, I feel that the Holy Spirit is at work in my heart, mind and body. I can feel the healing, the relief and the peace that little by little out shadowed the darkness caused by sin and negative thoughts. I asked my friend to pray for me, especially that I’m feeling sick at the same time. The prayer of a righteous man and woman is powerful. And I’m blessed to have friends who are made right in the eyes of God, not by their deeds but by the grace of God. I soaked myself in prayer, many times a day. I rebuke the bad feelings and thoughts each time it crept up inside me. These negativities are the works of the devil to bring me down and side tracked me. Especially now, because the Lord has granted me a big break on my career wherein excellence and success is a sure thing. And Satan is not happy about this so he commanded a legion of evil spirits to do their best to bring me down. But I am victorious in Christ Jesus. When Jesus died on the cross to pay the price of my sins and when I believe and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior putting all my trust, hope and faith in Him---that’s when I gain my victory in Christ. The power of the cross and what Jesus has done are something else that I could brag about in my life. 

       Moving on, the burden in my heart is fading away like a snow melting under the heat of the sun. This the part where I can confirm over and over again that prayer works anytime, anywhere. God listens to our prayers. He doesn’t need an eloquent speech type of a prayer. Just say what you want to say and how you feel about it to the God who created the universe and you. Believe me He is powerful enough to change your heart & character, another person’s heart and character and the very situation you are into. God wants you to give all your cares to Him for He cares for you. Don’t think of yourself as anyone of a lesser value because Christ died for you. God said in Isaiah 43:4, “You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you.” What a comfort! That the Maker of this world and all that we see around us, would say “I love you” to you. This is grace. This is unmerited favor. We cannot gain God’s love and favor, He willingly give it to us through His Son, Jesus Christ. The choice is yours to accept Jesus or reject Him in your life.

      Now I’m free. I am healed and I am feeling better than the day before. Praise be to God who fix my heart and renew my mind. I learn to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus all that concerns me from my work, family, relationship, finances and health to the people around me and the community I belong to. I learned that God is greater than our feelings. He is greater than my anxieties. He is greater than the fear of the unknown. He is greater even on the pangs of death and crucial suffering. To God be the glory and honor and power forever and ever!

Raw Deal

I usually love Mondays. It's the day of the week that reminds me that I have a great job  and colleagues to gladly spend my time within the next four days of my office life. I'm more into T.G.I.M type of a person than a T.G.I.F one. This Monday is no ordinary day for me. I've been excited for this special week to come. The pragmatic reason of this excitement is that I'll be having a dinner date with my boyfriend and it's all set. So i myself was too ready with what I will wear and what food to order. I was ready with all this expectations that this date would come out nice and smooth as I planned.

Then an unexpected scenario stole the momentum. My boyfriend called me in the morning and asked me to cancel the dinner reservation for tonight because he is too tired to travel and he wanted to rest. He's been on a routine training early in the morning from Mondays to Fridays for months--- so literally speaking my man's energy is sapped by this routines. So he has a valid reason, right? But instead of sympathizing with him and switched on the understanding girlfriend button in me, I went ballistic. perturbed emotions are swirling up inside me and I suddenly burst out into tears in front of my two colleagues. I was like a kid being robbed with my favorite toy. My colleagues asked me, "Oh why are you crying?" Then I told them in a gibberish way, because I cannot pronounce the words clearly due to the overwhelming emotion boiling up inside me. I was mad. Really mad. What a downer! Without having a second thought, I fired back offensive words to my guy that pisses him off. He was mad too. So we fought over the phone and I was crying while talking to him. This  has been a shitty day. After awhile, the heated argument subside. I started to compose myself with matching inhale-exhale trick and it helps. I keep on murmuring silent prayers because I don't want this dispute to get worst and last for a day. 

My friends are giving me comforts by saying, "It's okay Dove. You must understand his situation. It's no big deal actually etc etc." Well it's easy for them to say that. But deep inside, I'm embarrassed. To whom? I can't figure out. Maybe to myself because I expect too much. Expectation says I'm gonna have a wonderful dinner date tonight but reality says Jeff is tired and he needed rest. So when the expectation was not met, I was disappointed and angry. My man would say, "You have to control your emotions. There's nothing to feel embarrassed about cancelling the dinner...stop being childish always. You're not a kid anymore. You were young once, stop acting as if you are the baby in the house...behave and stay focus and positive." There you go. I'm guilty as charge and that made me speechless. All i can respond back is "O-okay." He has a point. Whether I admit it or not because of pride, my boyfriend is right. Damn,this ain't easy. I thought handling relationship is as easy as cooking my favorite pancakes with whatever toppings of my choice. This is different. And it's really about two people working out whatever differences and misunderstandings they have so they meet halfway and retain harmony in the relationship. 

This is not about what I want and how I want things to happen. This is about understanding my partner and being patient with him, It's either me or him. So whoever is the mature one, he or she should take the initiative to change things for the better. Because if I keep being one-sided and self-centered, any relationships I involved myself with, would end up shattered. So today I learned, not to be too emotional and stress myself over petty things. I should not play the role of a baby crying over a spilled milk. Hindi na bagay sakin ang ganyang peg. I really appreciate that Jeff has the guts to rebuke my negative attitude out of care or concern for me so it's better to tell me than leave it unsaid. I'm too aware now but I keep on slipping out every now and then. Let me share to you the unsolicited wisdom I've learned today. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense at all, but let me try :-)

Relationships are not a bed of roses, rather it's made of bushes and thorns, sugar and spice. So what will you do when some unlikely situation is taking its toll on your relationship. Don' forget to press the following self buttons:

CALM MODE BUTTON- Shit happens not only in your relationship but in other aspect of your life as well, like career and family. Most of the time, it's beyond your control. So what you're gonna do when you found out your partner is cheating on you, or you've heard a bad news that he/she got an accident or your most awaited date has been cancelled? Are you going frantic and burst out into all the negative emotions you ever garnered? Or you gonna press the calm mode button then take a pause, relax, inhale-exhale. Have a seat and don't do anything foolish or childish. You will never ever make a wise or good decision out of emotional and psychological combustion. When you're angry none of the words you're saying would sound good and beneficial. Only daggers and bullets and fire balls would come out of your mouth metaphorically.

PRAYER MODE BUTTON- Do not underestimate the power of prayer. Prayer changes things. And because nothing is impossible with God, He can change an unlikely event of your life into a good one. If you love the Lord and you fear Him, he will causes all things to work together for your good...(Romans 8:28). If God can change a person's heart, how much more a situation? Prayer does a lot. When you submit yourself to God, He will give you wisdom on what to do and how to do it. He will teach you what to say and how to say it.

BESTFRIEND MODE BUTTON- Does your partner consider you his/her bestfriend? Don't just be a lover. Be a friend he/she can count on. When you switch on the best friend button, you are in the mode of listening and sympathizing with your man. Listen without interrupting. Sympathize without judging. 

When your partner sees a friend in you, he/she would eventually will confide or vent out on you. All the information you are dying to know from him/her, will be given to you voluntarily. It will save you effort from extracting juicy info on your own. Haha!

That's all I can share for now. By God's grace before the day ends, the conflict between me and Jeff was settled. It's by God's grace na nagkaayos kami agad and that I understand his situation and his point. Sana wala ng aftershock toh hahaha. Praise God as well for the good news He gave me to make my day.

Miscommunication in Relationship

Communication  is an essential ingredient of a good relationship. Aside from love & respect, trust & loyalty, an explicit or understandable communication with your partner should not be considered less of a value when it comes to relationship essentials. To be understood, communicating with your partner should be interpersonal. Meaning, there is an exchange in conversation or information shared may it be in  a verbal or non-verbal communication. Usually, this is done face-to-face. But since we are living in techie world, we communicate through various electronic medium like email, social network, and instant messaging. With this we can get an impromtu response (when the person is online of course) Thus, I think, this too can be considered interpersonal. But what happens when you are both expressing something but get a different perception? Dissonance will take its place. There will be a clash of misunderstood feelings that will stir up emotions that will result in an argument or the worst a shoddy fight. Third party or infidelity is not always the reason for break-ups or separation. Sometimes, it's obscure communication between the couples that causes break-ups. The girl would whine,"He doesn't listen, he doesn't understand me. He's so so." The guy would whimper, "She talk to much. She doesn't listen. Blah blah blah!" When the couple, takes it personally (what their partners are telling them) a discord in the relationship has been created.

Since I'm dating a foreign guy, I have few struggles communicating with him. He would say a ambiguous sentences, but mean otherwise than how I perceived it. I can hardly understood when he says something verbally because he has a different accent and diction that's not easy to comprehend. You really need to listen well otherwise you will often misunderstood him. And give quiet an opposite response. That's the challenge for me. How can I understand what he means and how can I communicate to him in a way that he would understand? Again, I'm still a work in progress here. This is where I realized the truth behind James words, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry," James 1:19. Quick to listen means you are attentive, "all ears" they say, on what the speaker is babbling about so you can comprehend what he or she is trying to say. Slow to speak means, talk slowly---literally! I'm guilty of this haha because I talk too much and I talk fast promise. My mouth is like a machine gun, the bullets are endlessly coming out. So my boyfriend, often rebuke me "You talk too much. You go merry go round before you  spit it out" He's right but my pride keep me from admitting it without getting offended. Each time he rebukes me discreetly, I would feel annoyed and I wan't to backfire at him but of course this isn't the wisest thing to do right? My negative response would only arise conflicts between us. So all I do is to stay composed, take a deep breath and let it go.I would talk to him later when my boiling inner core had subside. If I remain too sensitive and takes it personally each time, ako din lang ang mahihirapan. Life is short, instead of ruminating on the not so good things happening to me and all the negativities zapping my energy, why not focus on the positive and good things simulataneously? Besides, God loves me for who I am, unconditionally and I'm somebody else. Oha! These are my affirmations so I actually don't hold grudges to anyone. I can forgive cause I know what it's like to be forgiven. 

So what are the barriers of communication that usually cause conflicts in relationships? Check the diagram. Can you point out something you can relate to? I can tell that when I play the role of a sender or the speaker I use jargon. I don't know why I'm not always straight to the point. I mumble gibberish and it's not funny, really, for my age. So again, it's a challenge to change. It's not easy you know, cause us women are naturally loquacious. We enjoy talking from one topic to another without getting bored at it. We are good in expressing ourselves right? Kudos to all women who can express themselves with confidence. But what good it is, if we express ourselves but we are not being understood? What good it is, if we say something but we are not understood? 

This is where a good communication skill should take effect. It's not innate. You have to work it out, gradually. You start by being a good listener. A good listener simply listens carefully, without interventions. Then learn how to speak slowly. Pause. Think. Speak. It's crucial that we should think first before we speak. Cause once a certain word is spoken, you could never take it back. It's not easy to shift gears you know, when it's already a habit for years. But we all need to change for the better. It's my goal not to be stagnant and remain the same old me. I'm working to improve  and come out with a 2.0 version of myself. You too can do the same, it pays to listen to the rebukes from the people who love you. In the end, you will realize that an open rebuke (so you can change the not so good about yourself) is better than a secret love. It's in the Bible. Psalm 27: 5.