Anyway, I just to wanna share with you guys, what the Lord has done in my life recently. Though the struggle has been going on for like two years, it was just recently that finally God by His grace enable me to fully surrender the biggest baggage of my life to Him.
Obedience vs. your heart's desire is the topic that I want to share to you as this is so related to my current situation. The talk with Bea is indeed a meaningful and sensible one.This friend of mine, shared to me the wisdom God has given to her for me to realize that I've been walking in the dark alley of my life, refusing to go out where there is light. Refusing to acknowledge the real struggle---the heart of the matter and pretending everything is going to be alright.
Last January 2016, during the prayer and fasting week in our church, I talked to our Pastor and shared to him my biggest struggle. I'm pretty sure that this was a struggle because it's going against God's commandments. But since I'm the kind of person who would want to take a risk and do things my way, hoping fate would favor me, I didn't stopped. I continued. The longer I allow myself to swim along the current of this messed up life, the more broken and hurt and sad I become. By the grace of God, I didn't explode nor had a serious depression problem. Praying, reading the Bible and talking to trusted Christian friends helped me stay on track.
My heart would tell me, "don't stop". "Fight for what you love. Don't be afraid to take the risk." But my mind would contradict my heart: "Don't fool yourself. Sin, no matter how big or small, no matter your intentions are-good or bad is still a sin. You wouldn't be living a happy life knowing that you are fighting God's will in your life. You are being disobedient here, Dove" So i was confuse. I prayed and prayed, read the Bible, seek godly advice but none of these ease the suffocating feeling boiling deep inside me. I'm so fed up. I'm so exhausted. My situation and the cause of my struggle zapped the energy and joy out of me. It took me some time before I realize that when you are nurturing "respectable sins" in your life, peace of mind and happiness became elusive. So i look back to the cross, and remember why did Jesus died for me? What did He saw in me, that He decided I'm worth dying for? Then I was taken back, in the old times, I saw myself fearfully and wonderfully made by my Creator. Holding me precious in His sight. A bunch of promises from my Maker, flashed in my memory. I recall them one by one. I started to regain my strength. It awakened my slumbering faith. I was recharged spiritually.
My heart's desire would want to keep this source of struggle, to stay in my life. At some point, it made me happy at another point it made me sad. I invested so much and I felt entitled so loosing my grip seemed to be impossible for me that time. But I was also convicted by the Holy Spirit as to what is the right thing to do. Would you grant the desire of your heart and continue living in sin and disobedience or would you be willing to give up, surrender him to the Lord and choose to obey God. Obedience to God brings blessings. Blessings you can never imagine how good it is.Obedience to God is an act of faith, a big step of trust, boldly saying, "God, you know who I am and what I want. I surrender my struggle to you. And i trust you that your will is still the perfect one for me."
We actually don't need to take matters in our own hands. The Bible says,
God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger." (Romans 2:6-8) Surrender your baggage of heartaches and disappointments , your bitterness and hatred, your failures and fears. Not all battles in life are worth fighting for. Not all people in your life are worth keeping. People who doesn't add up to your life, rather subtracts and divides your life into pieces.God's will won't let you exerted so much effort just to have it. It will come at your most, relaxed and convenient time. You don't need to chase after it, maintain it with financial expenses and feel like you are oblige to do your best just to keep it. God's will, once you have it, can never be taken by anyone else away from you. God's will is nothing but the best.
So choose obedience over your heart's desire. "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" (Jeremiah 17:9) Our hearts can deceive us into something good but apparently bad. When you obey God over your human nature desires, it brings blessings to your life.
“Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”(Luke 11:28) Still, we are given the free will to choose. You can choose the desires of your heart and take the risk or you can choose to obey God and let Him do the rest.
