Sure, I have been blessed with a job that moves a lot from one place to another. I'm physically active when I'm doing field work, but completely sedentary when I'm just in the office. But overall, it's good. Not much of a drama, stress, and problems that the grace of God can't let me get through with it. But recently, there were two to three idols that sprung up in my life. It's been going on for months and these idols took so much of my time and devotion that is supposed to be for my Maker. And God doesn't like it. He doesn't like when His daughter loves another more than she loves Him. He doesn't like when His daughter looks at materials things and money as sources of her happiness and self-fulfillment. God is a jealous God and He wants commitment and obedience from His children.
So these two idols were taken away from me dramatically. In an unlikely turn of events, the idols have vanished in my life like they are running away from me. And I was too late to catch 'em. Before I get a hold of them, they're gone. And God can cause this. Because He saw how these idols have taken His place in my life. And it's not right to let other things and people take the place of God in your life. Things will be messed up when you trade your relationship with God for others. This made me lonely and anxious. Nightmares bother me in my sleep causing me to wake up several times at night or too early, thus, I'm not getting enough sleep which affects my mood the following day. Causing me to be burdened and of low energy level. At this lowly moment of realization, the good Lord has opened my eyes and whisper in my head "Come to me." This leads me to a Bible verse, which Jesus himself has spoken, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28).
The idols' demands caused me so much stress and wasted both my resources and time. It's like I'm putting water on a broken glass and it's never full. I was tired, disoriented and lack focus. I became lazy and a loner. In my mind, I'm battling these idols with boiling mix emotions of anger, disappointments, bitterness. God in His amazing grace and loving nature was to the rescue. He didn't let me get to a point of having a nervous breakdown or an anxiety attack. He gave me these little pokes on time. Just in time for me to realize I have been walking away from the Lord because I was too embarrassed to face him with all those habitual sins I keep on doing. When you are sinning comfortably against God, you will feel too embarrassed even to call him Father. Satan and his lies will make you feel unworthy to be even at the doorstep of God's kingdom. Satan will make you feel bad about yourself that you'd think God won't like you anymore because you are way too messed up for Him to acknowledge you as His child. When Satan succeeded on you because you believe you are what he says, that's the time you will totally fall into his dark trap making you a slave of flesh and sinful nature. But Satan is a liar. God can forgive your sins when you ask forgiveness and with a humble heart of repentance. Only God can restore our brokenness and fill up the void emptiness in our lives.
It takes the grace of God to realize that when you are down, the best thing to do is to go ↑ up, where God is seated and lovingly waiting for you to realize that He's been there with you in all walks of life. It's the same grace that enables me to wake up each day with a thought "Go back to God. Go back to God" There's always that still small voice who whispers in my ear "Go back to God." Then I would find myself kneeling and crying my pains at the feet of Jesus. And my Lord and Savior wipe away all my tears, giving me a feeling of comfort and relief. A good friend of mine, always tell me the same words whenever I vent out to her:
1. Have you prayed about it?
2. Anong sabi ni God? (What is God telling you?)
To answer her first question, I would say "yes" if I actually prayed about a particular thing before telling it to her. If not, I would take a pause, pray about it, quiet myself for a couple of hours. Then when she asks me the second question, my answer varies. I would say eto sabi ni God:
"Quiet your life down a bit" "Let it go" "Be tough and know your worth" "Focus on me" "Come back to me" "Restart your life with me" and sometimes "Parang walang sagot si Lord eh"
When I say "wala naman sinabi /sagot si God" she would say, pray again and listen. And yes, I actually get an answer from God when I pray. It could be a sudden peace that will calm my heart and mind, a positive statement from another person that seems like a confirmation, a word to live by on that day. Or it could be a rebuke from someone else about my wrongdoings, a loving correction from a friend who cares. God has beautiful ways of getting back to you whenever you have queries about Him, what He is up with your life or your queries about what's going to happen in your life in the future. Or how can you completely put the past where it belongs so your present and future won't be a affected anymore.
As I come to end this blog, a new hope has just sprung in my heart. Something to look forward to in the days to come. It makes me excited to get a good sleep at night and wake up each morning as I'm one day closer to that big day in life. To God be the glory!
