So I went out at 8:00pm tonight to do a little unwinding walk around Ortigas CBD. The air that kissed my face and touched my hair is so cool and relaxing I wanted to float in slumber. So while walking, I felt some strange feeling that some not so good news would reached me anytime now. That kind of feeling that when i get back home I will know what is it all about. Walking, sight seeing (on the well-lit giant buildings surrounding me, observing people who passed me by and whom I passed by like I'm invisible and like they are invisible ( in my eyes). I sit for like an hour in Ortigas Park, I enjoyed my freedom, the free cool air that embraces me, the chill ambiance. Sitting, thinking (of everything and practically nothing),observing, thinking. Then I got bored and suddenly craved for some sugar. I ended up hitting McDonald's Hot Fudge haha.😄
So anyway, my more or less two-hour walk outside somehow ease out the humid feels I've been feeling the whole day (due to the weather I guess). I got inside my place and then the not so good news came. I wouldn't tell what it is but it's just a "U-turn" to where I thought I'm going. An unexpected "about face" of what I was trying to accomplish for months. I'm not disappointed or super discouraged. I was just sad because I thought this door of opportunity would open up for me. But it seems like it isn't the right door for me to enter.
It's weird but honestly the first thought that entered my mind after i got the news was this "you sinned and God is punishing you that's why you didn't make it" and I was like "what was that?' Then i took time remembering all the recent sins I have committed and I felt guilty and at some point agreed to that devilish voice inside my head saying I'm being punished. I prayed silently asking for forgiveness from the Lord. I always do that whenever I feel guilty because I know/thought I did something wrong whether I'm aware of it or not. "Father, please forgive me" was my prayer.
Then I talked to a trusted friend about how I felt at the moment. I shared to her my weird thoughts. And she said "GOD IS NOT LIKE THAT" ---that made me paused for a minute and contemplate. "Oo nga noh?" Yeah, right! God is not actually like that, that the moment you sin or did something wrong he will automatically punish you or reprimand you. Then God by His grace sends me an immediate comfort, a saving truth from that devilish convincing voice through the verse PSALM 103:10:
He (God) does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
It's like I'm having an astral projection moment and suddenly my spirit was slammed back to my earthly body. The verse comforted me and enabled me to remember the bygones of God's grace and faithfulness inspite of my being a terrible sinner. Yes, it's true, God doesn't treat us on how much we sinned against Him and how we messed up with Him. Because if God based His decision from our iniquities, we were all dead a long time ago. I whispered another prayer, "God please forgive me for I have doubted you."
I'm comforted tonight. And I'm pretty sure that when the morning comes, I'm a happy bird as always. I would get up from my nest and flap my wings and fly out for the day's call.💋. Tonight will just be any other normal night of my life wherein I give it all to God and go to sleep.
Thanks to my friend Bea who lead me to that beautiful truth of who God is ( which I know for years but its good to be freshen up with the firmity of God's Word) and to Allen who gave gentle "pat in a back" like reminder "Don't let that discouraged you. This door may not have opened but God has another door for you. God's will for your life will be fulfilled." And with that, I say, AMEN.
Goodnight loves and thank you for reading this quick unplanned blog. Hope God's story in my day to day life and experiences inspires you and gets you closer to Him. Ya'll are blessed!👆👍
